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Where Have All The Cartoons Gone?

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Don't worry, this is probably the last time I rant aimlessly

Childhood Favorites

It's saddening to discover that every show I once liked is off air, deeply hated by others, or never to be released on DVD. It's even worse when I discovered that my little sister doesn't enjoy toons like I once did, but instead is watching tripe like "That's So Raven" or "Zoey 101". I watched "Full House" and "Clarissa Explains It All" a few times, but they were in reruns by 1999, and at least they had SOME plot.

I forget what episode this was from, but Danny kept drinking coffee and was going a tad crazy, Joey had hurt his neck and sat in this bar and it seemed he was staring at this tough guy, and Stephanie did something. This taught a generation of kids to say, "How Rude!" like Steph.

Well, the most that "Zoey 101"'s taught my sister is how to say "OmiGAWD", "Stanky" and how to complain and be a total biotch. My sister's five, you know. This isn't good for her.

Here are my childhood picks, or as many I could put up without breaking the 'Net:

DuckTales

Anybody who was alive in the 90's and had a soul watched this. I won't explain any of it, as everyone I know is familiar with it, but it ran when I was 4 and went to the YMCA for daycare. I still remember a full episode, "Blue Collar Scrooge", that one where Scrooge has a head injury and thinks he's a factory worker, and he sees what his workers go through. Also in that, he dated Fenton Crackshell's mother. Don't ask.

This ran on Family, a Canadian network, 1995-1996. I'll be bringing them up later.

Darkwing Duck

This is the 2nd longest running Disney Afternoon show, and it had one of the catchiest theme songs on Earth. I did watch this, but I don't remember much. I remember Honker and Gosalyn spying, two frames from that futuristic episode, and remembering how I despized Gosalyn a little because of how I though she sounded too much like a boy.

Stop looking at me like that. I was three.

In 2005, I bought two old Disney Adventure mags from 1992 and 1993. They had DW comics. I went all wacky-tobaccy fan-ey. I recovered three months later.

Again, ran on Family 1994-1996.

Sonic Underground

Stop laughing, you insensitive buttholes. I actually LIKED this show when I was 5 or 6. Yes, it had Urkel doing the voices of the three hedgehogs. [We kids thought they were three DIFFERENT people! We were fooled! Or really dumb.] Yes, it has nothing to do with the SEGA games. [So what?] The show was originally a French cartoon, but DiC of America saw it and said, "OO LOOK AT TEH SONIC TOON! WE DUB IT WIF URKEL AN GET LOTS O THE MONEY!" SatAM was a breadwinner, you know. Anyhow, being a child, your idea of "older" is "five years". I though Sonic, Sonia and Manik were 9. They qualified as "big kids". This is similar to when I though my parents were 20 and my grandparents 40. I was off by a yard, but I did make them feel better.

The triplet hedgehogs were constantly trying to find their mother, the queen of Mobius. They were all royalty. Robotnik was there, too. He didn't sound like the psycho in SatAM, or the Brit in AoSTH. He had a normal-but-sorta-crazy voice. Instead of Snively, Scratch or Grounder, there were Sleet and Dingo. Sleet was this tall wolf who sounded like The Brain with a nose problem, and Dingo was an orange THING that "looked like he popped steroids" [According to Gianni, one of my old friends.] and digged Sonia. Knuckles was there, too, but he didn't sound like he did in the games. He sounded like a 13-year-old, which didn't matter back then. [Oh, his great-grandfather Athair was there, too, but they drew him as a beatnik.]

Little story: This was tops at a daycare I went to, "Lorna's". Lorna was a psycho who wouldn't give us our drinks at lunch until we finished every BLASTED PIECE OF HER BLOODY DRY MACARONI, and kept the TV locked on Teletoon, because it was 'safe'. Sonic Underground was the one show we all agreed on. While the little kids slept, Becky, Colton, Gianni, Ramona and her sister [Whose name I sadly forget] and I would sit in that tiny TV room and watch the show. But one day the worst happened.

Sonia kissed Knuckles.

Do you KNOW what that sort of thing was to a group of 3-7 year olds? PURE HORROR. We could sit through the songs, we could handle anything but that. So anyway, the entire romance scene [Including diologue] was probably 4 seconds long, and it was at the end of the episode. Gianni and Colton screamed "NOOOOOO". I joined in. Becky joined in. The twins started. My brother and Brodie woke up. Now you have a room fulla screamin' kids. Lorna came in and yelled at us.

"Stop screaming, dammit, all of you!!"

Sonic Underground Knux!

What I wish happened was Lorna stepped in front of the TV, inhaled at the same time the DiC logo showed, so it would seem she hollered "DEEK!" But it didn't happen. I wish it happened.

EDIT: Perhaps it was the kiss of death. After that episode, there were only 11 episodes left to run.

Ran on Teletoon 1998-1999.

Sailor Moon

The DiC dubbed version. Yeah, sure, it had crummy writing, lousy voice actors, or bad cutting. But we girls loved it. We thought it was amazing. I guess I still like the English version of the first season, especially the episodes with Tracey Moore, because I'm still familiar with it. But there was one episode early in the run that involved Usagi's teacher getting married...now THAT ONE WAS HORRID. There's a site dedicated to showing what was cut, but they insist upon being anal retentive. For example, they tell me that Rei's panty shot was cut and they say "poor poor deprived dub watchers". WOT? I sorta don't wanna see up any person's skirt, thank you.

However, much later on, I took on the original version, which I now like best, which explains the Japanese names used.

The 1st-SuperS and three movies ran on YTV 1997-2001.

Animaniacs

EVERYBODY who was ANYBODY watched this!! I owned about 6 tapes, and I watched them constantly, and YTV started running it in 1999. You probably know about this show already, and so I won't explain it. But I will tell you that it was wonderful, the expressions on faces were hilarious, and it was popular. VERY. It never got reviewed by the daycare kids, as Lorna kept her damned TV locked to Teletoon, which ran "Cailou" 35% of the time. [It was about a nancy-boy who had a whiny voice and no hair.] but I did have a prominent stock of Animaniacs tapes at home!

It later ran on YTV 1999-2001.

What Happened?

Teletoon and YTV are still the same, but YTV dropped "Astro Boy" in 2004 and picked up "Robotboy", which is like "Astro Boy" but 300 million times horrible. And Teletoon picked up all the Canadian-made cyberpunk crap and runs it 40% of the time. But something horrible happened.

Our emporium for Disney Afternoon movies and shows, Family, slowly picked off its cartoons because they got a new CEO in 2000. All the Disney toons I watched were dropped in favor of...THE SHOWS MY SISTER NOW WATCHES.

Instead of "He's Bonkers" shorts between shows, it's now "How To Be A Fairy Princess" shorts. [They incourage you to be as girly as possible. HUH? Look at Princess Sally Acorn. I don't care if you've heard of her or not, just find info on her. She also knew karate and could kick a SWATbot's helmet in. I'd like to see "Combat 101" on one of those stupid shorts.] I never really liked "Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers", but that ran when I was in 4th grade and I watched it so time would hurry and FOX would run "The Simpsons", but CnDRR was the final DA show to die. Now we've got live-action bull crap running 24/7 on what used to be THE Canadian Disney Afternoon channel.

Oh yeah. They also ran "101 Dalmations, the Animated Series", "Hoze Houndz" and "The New Adventures Of Little Lulu". I liked all of them. They're gone now.

BUT...YTV is coming very close to running "Sonic Underground" or AoSTH. They got a contract with DiC and began running "Inspector Gadget", which I also like. Will those 90's toons be revived again? Find out with me.

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What the hell happened to Kei Kisagari?

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