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Potlach

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Over the past few years, there's been a few times where I've considered opening an article with hard profanity, but I limit myself to avoid frightening new readers. This is such a case where I don't care about limiting myself, because holy assfuck in a cocktrain, this motherfucking cartoon is the most godawful glob of shit I've ever found myself dragging my semi-conscious body through.

There are hot sauce enemas that hurt less than this cartoon. I have experienced less confusion and hatred while watching two fat, white teenagers in Love Hina shirts call each other "mah nigga". I would call this show a trainwreck, except actual train crashes provide some sort of amusement. I would not advise anybody under the age of 400 to spend any increment of money on any DVD labelled "Potlach".

June 15th, 2011 was my last day of actual classes as a high school senior (exams came the next week) so a few younger classmates and I went to hang around the mall. We stopped in at the Dollarama outlet and wound up digging through the DVD bargain bin. Now, these bins either bring you items that are a) so bad it's good, b) so bad it's fuckawful, or c) just unable to sell in normal stores. I found two Korean movies...Thirst, a drama-comedy about a priest who becomes a vampire, and No Blood No Tears, which is basically Cinderelliot if Stepmama and Charmy teamed up to kill people. Each DVD was $2, and Tyler offered to buy them for me...as long as I reviewed one DVD, Potlach volume one. The cover provided us with a look at a group of dead-eyed abominations of nature, and the French-to-English engrish on the back ("One day, the incredible story.") made Jaycelynn laugh so hard, she started choking and farted. That reaction holds more style and grace than most of Potlach.

This is a French production from 2005, and I understand that there were many things standing in the way of a refined production, but the final product looks like what happens if Vic Mignogna jizzes on homicide photos and sets if on fire...it's disgusting and confusing, and you have no idea why the fuck it's happening.

I watched the whole thing over the next five days, and tried to report daily to Tyler and Jaycelynn what I saw. This is hard to do when Potlach is the sort of show that gives your mind diarrhea. My reports usually turned into stuttering, flailing, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED" outbursts.

All written material here is 2007-2011 Fauna Crawford, along with any images identified as such. All other copyrights belong to their respective owners and creators. Permission is required to use any original material from this site.