Over the past few years, there's been a few times where I've considered opening an article with hard profanity, but I limit
myself to avoid frightening new readers. This is such a case where I don't care about limiting myself, because holy
assfuck in a cocktrain, this motherfucking cartoon is the most godawful glob of shit I've ever found myself dragging my semi-conscious
There are hot sauce enemas that hurt less than this cartoon. I have experienced less confusion and hatred while watching
two fat, white teenagers in Love Hina shirts call each other "mah nigga". I would call this show a trainwreck, except
actual train crashes provide some sort of amusement. I would not advise anybody under the age of 400 to spend any
increment of money on any DVD labelled "Potlach".
June 15th, 2011 was my last day of actual classes as a high school senior (exams came the next week) so a few younger
classmates and I went to hang around the mall. We stopped in at the Dollarama outlet and wound up digging through the DVD
bargain bin. Now, these bins either bring you items that are a) so bad it's good, b) so bad it's fuckawful, or c) just
unable to sell in normal stores. I found two Korean movies...Thirst, a drama-comedy about a priest who becomes a
vampire, and No Blood No Tears, which is basically Cinderelliot if Stepmama and Charmy teamed up to kill
people. Each DVD was $2, and Tyler offered to buy them for me...as long as I reviewed one DVD, Potlach volume one.
The cover provided us with a look at a group of dead-eyed abominations of nature, and the French-to-English engrish on the
back ("One day, the incredible story.") made Jaycelynn laugh so hard, she started choking and farted. That reaction holds
more style and grace than most of Potlach.
This is a French production from 2005, and I understand that there were many things standing in the way of a refined production,
but the final product looks like what happens if Vic Mignogna jizzes on homicide photos and sets if on fire...it's disgusting
and confusing, and you have no idea why the fuck it's happening.
I watched the whole thing over the next five days, and tried to report daily to Tyler and Jaycelynn what I saw. This is
hard to do when Potlach is the sort of show that gives your mind diarrhea. My reports usually turned into stuttering, flailing,
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED" outbursts.