Note...everybody will be referred to by their comic names,
not the Japanese ones. Or, I could switch to the Canadian dub and start talking about Slippery and Professor Peabody, and
freak you all out.
"Let me tell you 'bout a dream that I have every night..."
We open with Astro staring blankly into space, possibly in
response to the confusing battle scene from yesterday. We snap back into a lab with Boynton and Astro...Boynton and Astro? That's
right! The two are still together! Unlike the animated versions, Astro hasn't been sold to a circus, OR lost on a
cruise ship and kidnapped by a circus man!
"You will NOT question my fashion sensibility!"
Boynton's pretty ticked that Astro blew off his arm without
a reason, although we saw it come off in that battle with
Metal Sonic the prototype. Boynton decides to get something
outside the lab, and Astro stays safely in the room.
I am going to walk forward with PURE, BRAIN-BURNING
Of course not.
Allow me to point out how Boynton's irises have turned from
brown to blue. Blue eyes. Pwetty bwoo eyes.
This is a realistic depiction of a research institute.
Anyhow, Astro looks out and sees a couple stereotype scientists,
Betty Cooper, a pizza man, and a robot. Everybody's non-favorite midget I.Q. Plenty walks by with a bouquet of flowers
and a hockey stick, as Spud sings a bebop version of "Row-Row-Row Your Boat". Spud sees Astro looking, and...
That rebuttal is so starkly-different from what he
Geez, Dr. Plenty...if you're gonna let your dog talk,
at least acknowledge what it says! Anyway, Astro follows the two, and finds them chatting with...
Let it be known that never, not even in the manga
or anime, have I ever enjoyed seeing Foola. Something about him reminds me of Emperor Pilaf...
If anybody ever reminds you of this guy, it's a bad
sign. Making matters worse, Lance Lumiere comes out of nowhere and puts the moves on Rebecca. Astro watches in awe as I.Q.
takes his hockey stick and goes, then
Mario Elmer comes by with more flowers.
Elmer always hated public speaking, due to his rare
Triforce Blush Syndrome.
He shoots a dashed arrow at Rebcca's breasts, assumes Lance
gave Rebecca the flowers, then walks off in a huff. I'd like to point out how Rebecca appears to be the only female researcher
within a two-mile radius, and seems to be bathing in pheromones. Also, she reminds me of Bulma.
She'll hold your balls for you. YA-HOWZA-HOWZA-HOWZA
But with less degrading sexual jokes, of course. No wonder
Emperor Foola is quick to flock.
That's some nice lip gloss you have there, Elmer.
In the hall, Elmer's forehead blushes, and he meets Astro
and calls him "Astor", clearly showing that he knew the human Astor from before. Instead of asking why he's wearing a skintight
metal speedo, he mentions that he snipped with genetics to make the flowers extra-purdy. Ah, 1987.
If this were published in The Beano, the flowers would
have the sound effect "RUSTLING FLOP".
Astro says the thing that he says, and Elmer makes a hint
towards the "ACCIDENT?!!!32?" I know they're trying to make Astor's death a mysterious element, but 3/4 people who read this
comic already know Astro's origin story.
Anyhow, Spud secretly talks with Astro about seeing him before.
Spud gets the hint that Astro is Astor, and is about to mention the DEEEAAAATTTTHH when a big robot comes in, grabs
Astro and leaves Spud stranded in the halls.
Metro City Rage!
We're pulled to an office where an angry guy is mad at the
robot for not taking Astro to a certain room where the army can test on them. Allow me to point out that throughout this seemingly
xenophobic comic, this is the only African-American guy for miles. Unfortunately, we don't even
see his eyes, and he's inexplicably angry. And is that a cigar, or a joint? Because it looks in-between and it's starting
to bother me.
So begins a slightly disturbing scene...
Behold, Tick and Tuck, if Ken Steacy had created them.
Astro's in queue downstairs, about to be "taken care of",
as the fat guy reads "Playbot". That would imply that he's reading robot porn, which is creepy. Exceedingly creepy. But anyways,
Astro starts up a conversation with a little robot in front of him, and the robot goes frantic about losing his job to a newer,
more energy efficient counterpart.
If you're in the military and aren't offended
by that fat soldier's remark, congratulations! You're a zombie.
I'd totally take him home. Maybe to school! Everybody would
love hi...oh? Right. Ahem.
One of the officers wants to collect Astro's information,
so the little robot gets sent through. And it's obvious that he's gonna die somehow. The tall officer takes Astro's
name and hints that he's got escorts booked for the evening, then leads Astro into the room. They start talking about The General's secret
"In ya go, laddy. The pastor will see you soon..."
After chucking in a tip-off to Tezuka's original title, Astro
is stranded and surrounded by dead robot bits. He walks around and accidentally kicks into the previous little robot's head, looking at it merely with a "what dat, foo" look. But suddenly, behind him