Welcome In!

Mint In Package #1 - The Lupin Show

Home | Toys | Video | Comics & Books | Games | Observations | About


LUPIN: Hey there, everybody! Welcome to the first installment of The Lupin Show. I'm your host, the talented, infamous and well-hung Arsene Lupin the Third.



LUPIN: You've probably been hearing on this site's associate links that I was ordered around Christmas time, and now I'm going to be part of a series of photo comics. This is sort of a big deal, but I'm only one of two Revoltechs in this collection.



LUPIN: So, like, why don't you donate via Paypal so I can get Jigen imported, or maybe a chick like Lum? Ah, who am I kidding, I know none of you are gonna give me money.



LUPIN: Here's the other Revoltech here, Miss Rei Ayanami of Neon Genesis Evangelion, also the first figure in the Fraulein line.



LUPIN: Also, if you consider she was 14 in 1995, technically she's 31 this year, which sits a whole lot better in my books. Assets aside, tell me about yourself, Rei.



REI: Well, it's really not easy being the first in any toy line. I'm durable, but it's hard to switch my hands, and I only have one face. Look at me! It's like I'm constantly sad and have to take a piss.

LUPIN: Sorry to hear that.

REI: Plus, my right arm falls off anytime I try to--



REI: Christ.



LUPIN: Um, you gonna be okay there?

REI: Yeah. I'm kinda used to this.

LUPIN: That's messed up, yo.



LUPIN: So...Evangelion is considered the Code Geass of the nineties, whatever that means.

REI: They both have a convoluted plot, some characters people can barely stand, and make ridiculous merchandise and spin-offs to pander to fans?

LUPIN: Probably something like that. So...tell me about your fans.



REI: Some of them are nice, but the others...the others get off to how emotionless and subservient I am. At least, that's how I am on set. They also put out the eighth Fraulein with a special version of me half-asleep in bandages, because that's how some people roll.



LUPIN: Man, why would they be into that?

REI: I don't know! It's been almost twenty years, there's been better Aloof Emotionless Anime Girls, but they all still want me!



LUPIN: I for one have to say Emotionless Zombie Girl is a stupid fetish, and the rest of my gang would agree with me if they were here. Besides, I like my girls a little...noisy.



REI: ...



REI: Lance of Longinus, attack!

LUPIN: OH JESUS, I WAS KIDDING!


TWENTY MINUTES LATER



LUPIN: Well, damn. I didn't even get to make a dick joke about the Lance of Longinus. Man...I wish Jigen were here so I could steal his cigarettes.



ASTRO: I think the Professor might have some! He's got everything in his house!

LUPIN: Thanks, shirtless kid! Where does he live?



ASTRO: In that fancy pink house about ten inches from your set.



ASTRO: Well, maybe eight inches. I never fully downloaded an imperial system codec.



LUPIN: Sweet Jesus on a hang-glider, he must be loaded!

ASTRO: He's rich, all right! He's a member of Interpol, a famous engineer and a roboticist!

LUPIN: Ick, Interpol...but man, I bet he's got actual Picassos on display!

ASTRO: Here, I'll go ask him for you!

LUPIN: Shit.



ASTRO: Professor, have you got any cigarettes?

GO: What?! Why would a nine year old be looking for cigarettes?

ASTRO: That guy over there wants them!



LUPIN: Astro, it's cool! Never mind!

GO: Lu...Lu...Lupin the Third...?!



GO: *faint*

ASTRO: Darn, not again.



LUPIN: Oh man, he fainted?!

ASTRO: Yeah, sometimes he does that. The Professor's a pretty nervous person.



LUPIN: Well, we can't just leave an unconscious Chinese guy on the lawn! We've gotta get him somewhere safe!

ASTRO: Here, I've got the door!



CHUJO: Hey! What the hell are you doing with my husband?!


FIVE MINUTES LATER



LUPIN: Jesus, I've been out of my box for an hour, and two people have wanted me dead!

ASTRO: Chief, we're sorry about this.

CHUJO: Please, don't be. I looked at the situation wrong, and saw a Franco-Japanese man three times my size carrying a half-conscious Go off while Astro was grafted to the door.

GO: This sort of happens a lot. Now, don't mind me asking...who was the first person who wanted to kill you?

LUPIN: R...Rei Ayanami.

CHUJO: That woman's erratic. I'm so sorry.



CHUJO: Here, please accept this as a token of my apologies. We've never drank any of this, since the entire bottle would potentially be lethal.

GO: How did you wind up with a bottle of wine the size of your body, anyhow?

CHUJO: Frankly, I can't remember, and part of me doesn't want to.



LUPIN: Awesome! You two are officially the coolest vertically-challenged gay couple I've ever met.

CHUJO: I will accept that as a complement.



LUPIN: Well, aside from almost getting hit with a giant tuning fork and a glowing fist, this has been a pretty good morning! Kid, do you wanna be my temporary sidekick?

ASTRO: I'd love to! When do I start?



LUPIN: Well, hopefully between the time when I finish getting drunk off my gourd, and the time when my buddy Jigen shows up.

ASTRO: Yay!



ASTRO: Life is good!




TO BE CONTINUED!

All written material here is 2007-2011 Fauna Crawford, along with any images identified as such. All other copyrights belong to their respective owners and creators. Permission is required to use any original material from this site.