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Do note that this originally appeared in a blog on December 2nd, 2006.
This Thursday, The Girls Club and I went to a local mall- no, emporium- named Midtown Plaza.
I truly wish I brought a camera to capture the various madness I found there. Well, Mom is about to take my siblings to swim
class and I could go with them RIGHT NOW, but I'd have to walk five blocks to and from the YWCA in -40 C weather. Hmm, let
me check if my warmest clothes are out of the washing machine...
...
...
...Aaaand, no. I'll have to write with memory
and Internet pictures. Besides, our good digital camera only lets you take eight pictures at a time. I also just checked the
Net and discovered that Midtown Plaza HAS A WEBSITE WITH A MAP, and any crazy person could just get online to track
me down. [DON'T TRY. I can kill you with only a hockey stick.] But I don't live anywhere NEAR the Plaza, so I'm fine. Here
we go!
Amy and I go through the Metropolis that is Midtown Plaza
The Girls Club meets in front of Sears and we each split up, one kid and one instructor
to a group. Me and Amy, the instructor, go through a few of the stores. First up is Coles.
That's an Internet Archive picture, of course. So, we find a "Bad Cat 2007 Calendar", those
calendars that have weird pictures of cats, accompanied by a caption. We read a few, Amy and I laughed our brains out, then
went farther into the store. Also, I saw a "Beginner's Tarot Card Deck and Book" which I thought was the coolest, but since
Mom won't even let me have a Ouija Board, the BTCDaB is off my wish list.
Not much there, so we move on to HMV.
Couldn't
find a picture. You all know what an HMV looks like, right?
Anyway, me and Amy go in. Amy wants to get a Superman poster
for her friend and a video for another friend. I go into the cartoon aisle and begin to wallow through this inhumane pile
of anime, looking for "Kiki's Delivery Service" or "Sailor Moon". But ho-ho, what did I find?
"BLACK JACK"! THE MYSTERIOUS BANDIT DOCTOR!! BY THE CREATOR OF "Astro Boy" AND "Metropolis"!
What confuses me is that the creator died 17 years ago and this DVD is dated 2006, but let's get a gawk at this one:
I
couldn't find any pictures online of the back of the DVD. It would have helped, though, since I didn't get a bloody chance
at fully reading the summary that night. All I saw and remember are a few images, the phrase "before it's too late" and the
rating: ADULT. What made this incredibly hard to read was that a Justin Timberlake CD, good
lord, is on the store PA system. It's that song he he was singing when he tore off Janet Jackson's shirt to at the Superbowl.
THAT song. [If there are any "BJ" fans reading this, I'm sorry.] A picture analyzation makes it worse: the DVD cover has BJ
getting fairly close to this comatose girl and another half-clothed girl floating behind him, so heck KNOWS
what's gonna happen next. But this is what I briefly imagined:
Blackjack: Gonna have ya naked at the end of this
song...
Girl: Talk to me, boy...
Needless to say, Amy and I got out of there fast. And Amy got her movie and
poster. At least she got some Christmas shopping done. On to: A BUCK OR TWO! LAND OF CHEAP OUTSOURCED GOODNESS! I put two pictures together so you can fully see
that the store is practically DROOLING with crap. I went in to buy a cheap Barbie that I plan, over the next few days, to
convert into a Sailor Venus doll for my little sister. Amy followed because she was curious as to how I was gonna turn a piece of Chinese
crap into a Sailor Scout. [BTW Venus is coming along great; I'll post a picture when done.] I got the better Barbie ["Happy
Princess", says the box] of them all and bought it.
We went to a toy store next door, where everything is actually
made in America. No pictures available; sorry. But everything is FRIGGING EXPENSIVE! A Rubik's Cube should not be $17.99.
A deck of cards should not be $5.89. A light-up Rudolph nose should NOT be $8.95. And those cards? Yeah...Sam wanted some
cards. If I HAD gotten those I wouldn't have enough money left for Mom and Dad. Moving on.
We passed a LaSenza sign that
said in mondo-large letters, "HEY GIRLS, 3 BRAS FOR ONLY $30." You tell 'em, sistah.
We began to run out of time, so we
went to Claire's. No pictures, 'cause you can go to the SITE instead. Teeny Beanie Babies [Christmas themed] are $6.99. Amy picks
up a penguin and says to it, "You're cute, but you're not THAT cute." Some good-but-overpriced stuff is reviewed, and then
I discover they sell LEGWARMERS, for corn's sake. "Why" is a lingering question that never was answered. We pass some
nice change purses, some hideous necklaces, then we are on our way to meet the rest of the groups. I almost bought Mom's perfume
at The Body Shop on the way to, but I'll spare you the details and just say that $3.50 IS TOO MUCH FOR A 100 GRAM
BAR OF SOAP! WAAAAAAAAAAAY TOO MUCH! Thank you.
The rest of my shopping is hopefully to be done later today. Thank
you, TVrage, for reading yet another long article. [I missed "Viva Pinata" while typing all this.] See you later!
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