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Space Thunder Kids

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Before you read, Dollarama has a website, but there's nothing that says "LOOK AT OUR AWESOME SHIT!"
 
Ah, dollar stores. If you find the right one, you can access tons of bizarre crap that the retail stores are too fan-cee to sell. I was able to find a lot of cool stuff in 2004 and before, and Scary Crayon's found some too. I remember this very weird doll that came in dozens of themed sets (like bathroom, gas station or kitchen) and was creepy as hell (she had a big head, skinny limbs, brown hair in an updo, wore a bell-shaped dress with an apron and one arm bent over her stomach) and came with a small animal. The last set I got was in 1999, the gas station one. But she's not the point.
 
Last summer, a store chain called Dollarama announced that it was moving to our town. Their deal was that nothing in the store was over a dollar! GREAT ZOMBIE JESUS! EVERYONE GET IN THE CAR!
My siblings and I, being bored prairie kids, went down to the store. We managed to get through the crazy fat housewives and old men and into the toy aisle. While my brother and sister got into fisticuffs with whiny kids, I discovered a collection of strange DVDs. They were called Space Thunder Kids, Defenders of Space and Protectors of Universe (sic). I bought Space Thunder Kids first, having been quite curious as to what the content of the DVD was. Personally, I had hopes it was a cheap Astro Boy knockoff, that time being my prime fandom (albeit not as frightening as my Darkwing Duck thing). But the actual DVD was much more. So much more. And to think I only paid a dollar for it.
Unfortunately, I learned the Americans had a cooler DVD jacket:

Here's the Canadian jacket. Go back and forth. The American one is sexy. You've got a guy that looks kinda like Max Sterling, somebody that looks like Skunk Kusai as a woman (and what a woman) and a giant robot copied from undetermined sources. If the Canadian DVDs had the same covers, I would have gone and bought all three in one swing! Then again, in the summer of 2007, our dollar was worth only 75% of theirs, and that extra 25% could have gotten us something cool. But each cover comes from a different company; American copies are from Digiview Productions while Canadian copies are from East-West Entertainment.

 
Now, Space Thunder Kids was mostly a wacky clip show of action scenes from the other movies, including the rare ones Saviour of EarthRaiders of Galaxy and Solar Adventure (aliens joined clearly-defined Communists in saving an unnamed country). There was some strange, original animation sandwiched within, a mix of Captain Harlock and TRON. I decided that it would be a poor option to review it, as it would take too long to get through all the madcap spliced-up shenanigans. Teleport City did a review, and virtually no one has topped it. So we'll try Defenders of Space today.
 
Before we start, here's the American jacket and the Canadian jacket. Our is still sucky, but the American one is just a huge copy-and-paste sandwich. Note that they identify City of Aurora as Earth and the old guy in the first photo never appears in the movie.
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