Hey, did you know that Captain Harlock - which is incidentally my favorite badass-in-space franchise - had
an American comic series? Unlike a certain other comic
, the American series had good art and faithfully followed Leiji Matsumoto's original version, and was only cancelled because
Toei Animation cancelled Harlock's American license in 1993. However, the series had a problem with adding original background
characters, which really lagged down the plot at times. But still, the comic series is out there and a larf to see.
So one day, I'm at the comic book store's 25-cent bin (notorious for having a bloody "25" crayoned on its
contents) when I found this.
"A very special holiday adventure"...? With Harlock in the same room? Oh God, I need to buy this!
But I didn't, because I had no money with me. So I stuck it back in the bin and went home, then came
back later to find a thousand tons of bad comics where the comic had been before. Only seven months later did I finally dig
through the entire thing to find the comic at all costs. I expected to be taking hold on some sort of wild, Ginrei Special-esque
holiday party, most likely involving Harlock getting incredibly drunk. But no, it's mostly about a loli's grandfather
being sick and her not being too happy about it.
Yes, the first few pages involve Anna somehow getting enough money to buy the guy a can of beer and Grandpa
D. tangenting about his 9000 cats and a painting. I don't usually paraphrase this much in a comic review, but dammit, when
does Harlock show up and bitchslap Christmas?!
They don't even say what's making this guy so terminally-ill, or even what his last name is. But regardless
of that, Grandpa wants to make sure Anna can buy her own Christmas present. He decides to give her something to hock for the
money, this being his prized gold war medal. Anna nearly craps her pants in horror.
Wait, I see what's the problem with this guy. He's a bastard.
We cut to outside, where Tochiro and...Dr. Zero? I've never heard of this guy before, but he looks Matsumotian.
Is he in the anime and I just haven't seen him yet? Well, he and Tochiro get mad about the robotic bodies being sold in the
store beside them, and they go off to find Harlock and get some presents. Well, maybe something cool will happen soon...
Not yet, anyways. Two guys are trying to get into a bar run by a tiny Irish man named Sland. he guys mostly
bitch about how cold snow is and how many people are in the bar, until they see...
You'd expect someone in the bar to explode from being in the same room as the captain, but apparently he's
scouting for men to join the Arcadia
. This is really not canon. You need to have a unique backstory or extreme skill and loyalty for Harlock to bring you along.
He doesn't just go into a random gay bar and choose one random guy under the idea that "anything you have done before you
board the Arcadia is forgotten
...". And if Sland's bar isn't a gay bar, then damned if it isn't something.
This is my favorite panel in the book, and I encourage you to use it as a reaction image on somewhere like
4chan. Hannibal, as the guy is referred to, is looking at Harlock with a unique "dat eyepatch" grin. You can't stop staring
at this picture.
But you should, because Anna's back and about to pawn that medal for a robot body for Grandpa D. Just then,
Anna's friend Vicky the brothel madam, is...wait a minute, my best friend's name is Vicki. That's not fucking cool,
comic book from 1991.
Anyways, Vicky offers to take Grandpa D in at the brothel, so he'd "die happy and in good care". Call me
crazy, but I'm pretty sure hookers don't like being hookers. Anna turns her down, but Vicky offers again to make "an arrangement".
This begs for an Advice Dog-esque picture...
BECOME A CHILD PROSTITUTE
Anna has absolutely no idea how much danger she is in right there, but she turns away and smashes her face
into Harlock's abdomen, dropping the medal.
Harlock is just rollin' through town with Tadashi, whom is dressed like Tochiro and Tetsuro at the same
time. Harlock ignores the prostitute to his right and asks Anna about the medal, and supposedly Grandpa D won it in "the great
war between Earth
and the Green Aliens
." That sounds retarded, but Harlock almost comes
in his pants by hearing about it and wants to meet Grandpa D. At the same time, redundant stereotype is redundant
And then Space Police descend on the street and blow up the brothel with Vicky inside it, while Harlock
and Tadashi (whom has said nothing in the comic so far) run off into an alley. Harlock is still holding onto the medal
because apparently he clenches his fists uncontrollably when startled now. Anna is mad about this but hides behind a barrel
and avoids dying. Harlock shoots a few robot policemen, and he and Tadashi haul themselves out of the area.
Apparently the guy wanting to lynch Harlock is Rocket Robin Hood. Teletoon used to run RRH when I was eight.
God, did I hate that show.