GIANT ROBO -
Episode 8: the Tower of Babel
the Siege of Babel
Okay, Rossman. You already lost 600 points for making me think of Babel II, which most people know
as a twelve-volume ESP-induced explosion that starred Chief Chujo in pretty much the same role, except he wasn't a human bomb
and didn't bang any Chinese scientists. It was still amazing and fucking-fuck, Rossman.
It begins with the awakening of the real Big Fire (aka
Babel II). What has to be the entire BF organization is waiting for him as he finally appears to lead them again in the most
regal looking threads I've ever seen. Neow.
As you can see by the end, it's written by Rossman's beautifully-crafted original character Catsy, whom
is a cat.
Everybody then gives a "Big Fire" salute (chilling to
say the least!). Almost in the background there is a BF agent who has noticably "amoeba-like" hair. He smiles in a wicked
So that's supposed to be Kenji who's snuck into the ceremony. You'd think that he would know to keep in
character at a tense time like this instead of gawking at the viewer. The only time he was in a BF outfit and made that gloating
"my dick is bigger than yours" face was when Genya found him.
He'd probably make that face all the time around Rossman.
We then flash to the Experts of Justice (or what is left
of them). Most of their major HQs have been destroyed, so most of them have now located themselves in one of their smaller
bases in Hong Kong. To make a long story short (episode VIII was about an hour and a half long):
Ninety minutes long? Holy shit, Rossman. If that were possible, Yasuhiro Imagawa would have to be hospitalized
for exhaustion for so long that we wouldn't have gotten the Tetsujin 28 remake.
We find out that the Tower of Babel (the ultimate weapon
and source of all ESPers' powers on the planet) is hidden under Big Fire's base. This is where Big Fire (Babel II) had been
in hibernation. It seems that the BF organization needed their leader in synch with the tower in order to use it to their
advantage and wipe out the Experts of Justice and then control the world!
A) Who the fuck puts a tower under a building? Does it rise up through the headquarters building or something?
Because if that's what happens, you'll wind up with Komei making jokes about erections and severe property damage.
B) So the BF Group plans to take Big Fire, put him in a tower, make the magical powers shoot out and kill
all the Experts of Justice, and then they'll take over the world. What the fuck, is Captain Crunch their tactician?
Needless to say, the Experts don't think that this is
a good idea.Murasame Kenji (who, it is stated rather matter of factly, had come back to life once again after the Eye of Vogler
incident ^_~, and infultrated the Big Fire ranks) escapes the BF base by the skin of his teeth (Holy cow! What an action sequence!!)
Hey Rossman, fuck you. I've already mourned the infrequent appearance of Giant Robo Kenji enough, and you
don't need to make me drag myself around moping that I missed a jizz-worthy scene that never existed.
And by the way, kids...Imagawa did confirm that Kenji would survive past episode seven. Start your fapping.
(Holy cow! What an action sequence!!) and is able to report
back to Chief Chujo in Hong Kong base about the goings on. It was what they feared the most,
Chujo: "Gentlemen, I don't know how to tell you this, but...the BF Group has Down's Syndrome.
That, or Rossman thinks our director is a hyperactive twelve-year-old boy."
but also what they had prepared for as the rest of the
Nine Celestial Kings of Heaven had secretly gathered for the final blow to Big Fire.... They had to hurry though, as the ceremony
to control the Tower was soon to begin.
This part makes me wonder, because the Celestials weren't really revealed to English audiences until
The Day The Earth Burned started to be scanlated. Did Imagawa ever reveal names at a convention? I know Rossman actually
met him during a (real) convention. For that matter, I'm so sorry, Imagawa.
Suddenly, in the article, is this picture:
Don't make the Chief angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry.
Probably there to boost his street cred, Rossman has added a "screenshot" of Chujo from this episode. I
have almost certainly seen this before; it's either from when Chujo was walking with Daisaku and Tetsugyu through that
weird hall, or from right before Chujo does the Big Bang Punch.
Rossman, your hoax would be more believable if you made a nine-minute loop of Chujo walking through that
hallway in greyscale to creepy music and screams under the name of suicidechujo.avi.
Because most of the world's Shizuma Drives were out of
the picture and also because none of InterPol's large transports were still functional, Daisaku offered to fly the Celestial
Nine to BF's HeadQuarters on Giant Robo.
Imagawa expressed interest in continuing the series when things weren't in ruin, either as a prequel or
as a "One Year Later" special. See, that's why we're not getting a continuation...Giant Robo ended off with so much destruction,
it would be too sad.
After being told that this was not a revenge mission for
his father or Ginrei, Daisaku nodded slowly and when he looked back up at Chujo and Koshin we could see Professor Kusama's
face (Daisaku's father) for a brief moment. They all grimly smile and agree. Operation Siege of Babel was about to begin.
Who the hell is all here? I know there's supposed to be Kaei, Koshin, Daisaku, Issei, Tetsugyu, Go
and Chujo, but Rossman writes it like there's so many people that Chujo has to address them in a school gym. And I don't know
whether Chujo or Koshin turned into Dr. Kusama, but I now only imagine a Kusama Trollface plastered over both of them.
Back at BF HeadQuarters, Komei invites all of the remaining
Magnificent Ten to a Tea Ceremony
I find this hilarious as fuck, because of course Komei would be into tea ceremonies. The man is
gayer than a bag of glitter made out of Little Richard.
and informs them that the Experts of Justice are on their
way and that this is to be the last battle. He then begins to laugh as the rest of the Mag Ten look at him and wonder if his
head is truly screwed on right. The curious thing is that even Ko-Enshaku appears to be a little uneasy.
Now, Komei starts to slip out of character here. In the seventh episode, it becomes terribly evident that
he knows everything that's supposed to happen, to the point where I originally despised him ("I see, Genya shot his
sister! Onto the next step..."). If something goes wrong in a BF Group plan, Komei declares it the perfect challenge and doesn't
stop anything. If there's a last battle, he doesn't laugh like an insane monkey; he makes Enshaku pretend to be
a footstool and watches it like a movie.
Rocketing towards Big Fire, we can see Giant Robo (fully
restored) loaded with Experts. But most importantly we notice that the (remaining) Celestial Nine are standing proud and strong
on top of Robo's head and shoulders as if the speed and wind did not affect them.
A) Professor Go and his team need some sort of award for fixing up Robo that fast.
B) Chief Chujo is one badass son of a bitch, but I don't think he's wind-resistant.
Among them were Tendou the Berserker, Director Eigan,
Chujo the Silent, Chief Ootsuka, Dick the Shepherd, Marshal Kanshin, Lord Rinchuu the Panther Cub-Headed and Sei the Bewitcher
(Taisou the Spiritual Buddhist is already extinct [and noone else had been promoted yet to replace him :-( . They are all
All these names were displayed in plain sight during the scene when Chujo does his Punch (it's the part
when Chujo's name is glowing on a scroll), so it's just a matter of Rossman forcing one of his Asian friends to
transcribe them. I wonder if he actually knew that Chief Otsuka is actually a fat little guy
And hey, Rossman? A ":-(" is a disgrace to the death of the great Taisou.
Back at the BF stable we can see that they are preparing
for an attack, and from their preparations they expect worse than we can imagine. Search lights are zooming around the night
sky and BF Agents are everywhere with scared but determined looks on their masked faces. Deep inside the catecombs beneath
the HQ, the Magnificent Ten march behind Big Fire as they approach the Giant Tower.
Big Fire hasn't actually done much of anything in this "episode", hasn't he? Apparently, all he does is
not talk, be powerful while not talking, and let Komei dress him in some fabulous robes.
They then stop at the entrance while Komei and the head
cheese continue forward.
"The head cheese"? Is this supposed to apply to Big Fire, because holy shit Rossman/Catsy, do you have brain
cancer? Big Fire would probably explode your face for calling him that. And besides, it only makes me think of the
Big Cheese, the flamboyantly gay rat from Samurai Pizza Cats.
...Bloody hell, how come everything in Giant Robo eventually winds up being gay?
Hanzui turns to the BF Agents around them and orders them
to guard the Tower and Big Fire with their lives. "Even if they have no choice but to throw their own bodies against the Experts
of Justice they must not let them get near the Tower!"
He's also talking to the Magnificent Ten there, too, which I find weird.
Hanzui: "I understand we have thousands of grunt workers already at our disposal, but I
want you men, the absolute most powerful members of our worldwide organization, to go stand out in the open and kill
yourselves. I'll be elsewhere."
Then the Mag Ten turn around and head back towards the
surface. Ko-Enshaku silently appears out of the shadows and hides behind one of the pillars surrounding the Tower.
And here we get a bonus Creeper Enshaku, because Rossman is evidentely the only human being ever who's had
a boner for Enshaku.
Deep within the Tower Komei has Big Fire sit in an oversized
and richly decorated thrown and orders him to concentrate. He begins to chastise the small leader for his lack of will when
he draws his fan to cover his mouth and becomes eerily still. He quietly whispers "It's too late".
I don't know...Komei always seemed like he was Big Fire's biggest fan, but played on the rest of the group's
devotion to Big Fire to get them to play by his rules. If Big Fire were a DJ, Komei would be the hype man who'd yell "HERE
HE COMES, HE'S THE BADDEST OF THE BAD" at the crowd.
Outside, everything goes silent. There is something
in the air but neither the Mag Ten or the hooded subordinates can tell what is about to happen. Then somebody yells "There!
In front of the moon!" and we can see an enormous black mass getting larger and larger.
There is the sound of super rockets firing their exhaust
too. But before any action can be taken, a "hiss"-like sound grows louder and sharper and a second later the entire area is
plastered with arrows. A whole lot of BF guys go down, but the Mag Ten stand firm.
Old Man Kawarazaki: "I have a goddamn arrow in my face, but I shall stand tall."
We see flashes of all of their placid faces... except
for Doki the Direct. He whispers that revenge for his warrior clan will be his and launches a personal attack upon the incoming
Experts. He is the first to go down.
Doki gets literally blown away by Chujo's rocket punch
in mid air! It was sooooooo cool to see that^_^.
Wow, way to go, Doki. Weren't you incredibly capable in the actual show? And also, Chujo can't just throw
his Punch around like that. If he does it too hard, he dies of coming into contact with the blast. If he punches the ground,
everybody dies. (And that's canon.)
Then the rest of the Celestials land behind the Silent
one and stare into the eyes of their oponents. Giant Robo blasts past them still flying in the sky, and then the ultimate
battle begins! Now, there is no way to describe just how "ultimate" and cut ass rugged this mini-war between the Celestial
Nine and the Magnificent Ten is!!! Back and forth the volley of energy projectiles and bodies fly!
Rossman, fuck you. I can't just climb into your imagination thirteen years ago.
Many a great man is wounded on both sides and Jujoji and
Chief Ootsuka both fall.
What, did they run at each other and get knocked out by each other's fat?
Hanzui starts to get serious and gets his Chuck E. Cheese game tokens out for some
serious rough stuff!
We get another "screenshot" here, but Rossman, I'm not an idiot. I know of a Japanese fan who owns
this exact cel. Giant Robo's production values were too high to have to reuse cells.
It really bothered me how small these shots are, but I realize if Rossman had posted these at any higher
resolution, it would be possible to view a secret message from Imagawa if you selected the picture. It would have said, "Anybody
who uses this shot to fake an episode is a complete cocksucker. Y.I., 1997."
During this Incredible Death Match the rest of the Experts
jump off Robo to face the remaining BF Agents. Only four figures remain on the flying giant as he crashes through the main
building and into the underground.
Komei is watching the battle through a flame that hovers
over his Chinese fan. He finally starts to get worried. The Strategist turns his eyes to the child in the throne and a snarl
appears on his face. He starts to talk (but in a very loud and angry voice) to Big Fire and explain why his full cooperation
is indeed necessary to rid the world of the evil that is the Experts of Justice. "Their powers must be vanquished!" It is
at that moment that the ceiling of the cavern caves in and the Giant Egypian Main Man himself comes crashing down.
Fake Komei, you're sort of a bitchy diva.
The whole underground complex shakes with the force, but
miraculously the hollowed out grotto stays in shape and doesn't collapse. Now Daisaku, Tetsegyu, Issei and Murasame appear
on Robo's shoulders and look around the huge undergroung lair.
Now Daisaku, Tetsegyu, Issei and Murasame
Rossman, you're goddamn stupid.
Just as Murasame tells them all to be careful, Neptune
(one of Babel II's guardians in the form of a giant robot) walks out from behind the tower to face Robo. An ear-piercing screech
is heard from behind the Experts and they turn to find Galuda, the giant flying reptile (guardian number II). The four Experts
jump off Robo just as Galuda flies right at him, but all Robo does is swing his massive left arm into the bird-creature's
face and smash it into its body. One guardian down.
The battle outside is still waging, but it's at a draw.
Both sides are equal and they know it. It will soon be a matter of who tires out first.
I don't have much to say about the story at this point. Most of it just seems to be what would happen if
Rossman scraped the remainders of his mecha wet dreams off his mattress, scanned it, and put it on a web page.
My brother has come up with more convincing stories when he was five years old and half-asleep on cold medicine.
In the underground cavern, the four Experts run towards
the entrance to the Tower when all of a sudden a black oil seeps up from the ground and Achilles (the final guardian of Babel
II) takes his physical form of the giant black cat. It jumps at the heroes, but Tetsegyu
Rossman, fuck stupid; you're just dumb.
tackles it to the ground and starts pounding it (in what
appears to be a vain attempt) to knock it out. He tells the others to go on without him and to stop Big Fire.
Tetsugyu: "Go on without me! A kitty made of Jello jumped on me and...and...hey...wait
Tetsugyu is my favourite Beijing Expert, and if he can singlehandedly break Enshaku over his shoulders,
he can beat the living shit out of a jelly cat.
Murasame and Daisaku do (Issei turns around to help his
fallen comrade and blasts the cat off of the big guy with one of his energy snakes). In the background Robo and Neptune are
slugging it out. Komei is now uber pissed at his "master" Big Fire (who doesn't so much as move) and he raises his hand to
strike the child with his fan
Komei would more likely be pissed that there's an explosive hoedown going on in his secret lair, one
that could endanger Big Fire. Besides, I don't think getting hit by Komei's fan would be all that bad.
Komei: "I'm very disappointed in you!" *gentle feathery whisk*
when all of a sudden a cold voice calls out "Stop!" and
the Strategist finds that he cannot move his body himself. Fear is frozen on his face as Ko-Enshaku emerges from the shadows
on the far side of the throne room. He stares at the unmoving Komei for an eternity before raising his cape and reveiling
the real BIG FIRE! Komei's eyes go even wider in terror as he struggles to understand what is going on.
So Big Fire would come out of storage just to cosplay as the most hated character in the series? That's
a terrible method of disguise, as I doubt he could get out of a convention centre without getting pummelled at least once.
Right outside of the Tower's entrance, Murasame Kenji
and Daisaku Kusama
How come, Rossman, you write Kenji's name in the Japanese format and Daisaku's in the English format? Please
don't tell me that you think "Murasame" is his first name. What's worse is how I think you're stupid enough to think that.
are about to enter when all of a sudden tons of Big Fire
Agents pile out of the immense doorway and form a giant wall to block them. Without missing a beat, Murasame pushes Daisaku
to the ground and runs at the human wall with a look of satisfaction and death in his eye. Just as he is about ten feet away
he pulls out a palm-sized detonator from his pocket and his trenchcoat blows open so we can see that he is covered with plastic
explosives. Daisaku covers his head with his hands as the human wall jumps down upon the pink Expert.
But...but...Kenji doesn't take joy in killing himself, it's only to perform a duty! And...and how did he
get in with all the plastic explosives, and...okay stop me, questioning the ridiculous isn't going to get me anywhere.
Just as they all land, a flash of light goes off in the
center of the pile and bodies go flying everywhere. The boy then looks up at Robo's fight with Neptune (both are badly dented,
Neptune is missing a horn and a chunk out of Robo's right shoulder is gone too). Tetsegyu and Issei come running up behind
him (Tetsegyu holding a bleeding bite mark on his neck and in the background we can see the crumpled form of Achilles)
Rossman, even in the old dub, it's obviously a "tsu" in Tetsugyu's name. If you read the back of any tape
or any credits, you'd see "Tetsugyu". This is because there is no damn character for "tse" in Japanese. And I know
this because I studied Japanese for three years.
and the Black Ox picks him up and carries him inside the
Tower. Daisaku has just enough time to order Robo to "Crush Neptune now!" before they disappear into the shadows of the spiraling
structure. In the forground a pink fedora (half charred) lightly descends to the ground.
Inside the throne room, Ko-Enshaku and the real Big Fire
What, "Hanzui"? When you clearly mean "Komei"?
Big Fire looks up to the frightened and frozen man with
clear grey eyes and asks him how he thought he could accomplish this insane mission without BF's support. All the while Ko-Enshaku
picks up the imposter Big Fire from the throne and takes off the disguise revealing Sunny the Magician in a trance (*You wouldn't
have thought that Komei would fall for his own trick, huh?*).
If this were really happening in an episode, Komei would laugh, pull down a zipper from his forehead, and
turn out to be Kenji. Then Komei would be watching elsewhere and say, "Wow, this is getting good!"
Big Fire then slowly walks to and sits down in the throne
himself as Ko-Enshaku bows and takes his leave. The child turns to the Strategist and in a matter-of-fact tone informs him
that global domination and the subjigation of the Nine Celestial Kings was never the plan and he knew it.
Attention Rossman: The BF Group wants global domination. It was their bloody goal throughout the OVA
series, so are you clinically retarded? Even a Magnificent Ten lunch run to McDonalds includes one step involving
He went on to say that there was now only one way to stop
the senseless destruction that Komei had brought upon the world. He then closed his eyes and consentrated. Komei became free
from the spell and began to scream as a bright light enveloped the room and everything in it.
Outside the Tower the light grew and grew. It touched
and surrounded the two fighting giants and before everything goes to pure white we can see one of them fall. In the night
air, high above the Tower, the fight is almost over. Soon it appears that both sides will destroy eachother. At that moment,
both the BF agents and the Experts turn to see the piercing white light shoot up from the hole in the ground that Robo had
drilled. It then grows and sucks in the entire battlefield. Nobody tries to escape.
I can't make sense of anything at this point. Did Komei's exploding body make the tower implode? (Insert
joke here about sucking in the battlefield.)
In a matter of moments the light grows dimmer and soon
fades away to darkness again. As soon as he becomes used to the dark again, Mask the Red takes the advantage of the confusion
and launches an attack on Dick the Shepherd. Unable to react with any real defense in time the Shepherd just reflexively throws
a punch (kinda like Chujo ^_~) not expecting it to do much damage.... but it does! Red goes flying backwards and lands pretty
far in the distance, not moving. The Magnificent Ten look at eachother in shock before turning their attention towards the
Celestial ones. An aora of blue then surrounds the Experts as the BF guys begin to retreat. It is no use though, as the remaining
Nine jump into the air and land in the middle of the retreat with a big explosion!
Rossman, your action scenes are weaker than Gilbert Gottfried's jokes about the Sendai tsunami. Every
time you attempt to write a story, an unsuspecting woman regrows her hymen.
During this time, we find Daisaku and gang fast approaching
the throne room in the center of the Tower of Babel. They rush in to see Komei cowering at the feet of the child (Big Fire)
sobbing how he meant all of this for the glory of BF.
Okay, so Komei didn't explode. The explosion of light just turned him into a crybaby, apparently.
Big Fire frowns and looks up at the intruders. Tetsegyu
jumps in front of Daisaku and Issei and throws his two axes at the boy and Komei, but they are blocked by an invisible barrier
and impale themselves into the floor.
Tetsugyu: "A grown man bawling his eyes out on the floor? A confused little boy? Why don't
I hit them with axes?!"
Kenji: "Because zat ees retarded, Tetsugyu."
Tetsugyu: "Oh geez, you're right! Rossman's in my head!"
What the hell, Rossman? Tetsugyu doesn't attack a man when he's down. He's tough and fat, but he's still
got a heart of gold.
Big Fire then begins to glow himself and lift into the
air. He tells the Experts that Big Fire is finished and that they have nothing left to fear, then he disappears in a flash
of light. Just then, the giant fist of Robo punches through the ceiling and grabs Komei in its grip, but Komei was already
dead. His eyes frozen open in fright.
Big Fire: "You see, our entire plan involved putting a young man in power who would then
proceed to destroy the world's energy supply, then erect a tower for our amusement. Whoops, looks like my bodyguard is dead."
Right outside of the Tower, Hanzui falls through the hole
in the ceiling into the subterranean lair and can see GR standing over Babel with his back to him. He then notices all the
dead BF Agents and the fallen Neptune, Galuda and Achilles. As fast as he can, eithout his ESPer powers, he runs to the entrance
of the building while trying not to be seen by Robo. Just as he reaches the doorway, he stops and tries to catch his breath
while Ko-Enshaku emerges from the shadows. Hanzui feels uneasy at first, but that goes away when it's revealed that the masked
samurai is carrying Sunny underneath his cape. Without a word, he hands her over to the Chaos Lord and starts to walk away.
Hanzui calls to him and he stops without turning around. He then asks the samurai if Big Fire had accomplished his goal. Ko-Enshaku
nods. Hanzui goes on to ask if Komei had been taken care of and once again the silent one nods, but then he quickly disappears
with a single jump leaving the two of them by themselves. Hanzui holds the girl close to him and heads off back towards the
underground tunnel leading to BF's above ground palace and HeadQuarters with an expression of relief and guilt on his mug.
I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND THIS SHIT
Above and outside, the Experts are victorious. Chief Chujo
lights up his pipe and the remaining BF agents (including what's left of the Magnificent Ten) are being rounded up and hadcuffed.
We can see all around the area that tons of lights are approaching. The rest of Interpol has arrived (finally o_o).
Wait...wait. I noticed something that's entirely wrong with this.
Where the hell is Professor Go?!
"Sob...Rossman was going to invite me, but then he started writing in the third person
about how I'm a useless homosexual."
I've done a bit of looking around on Rossman's web of sin, and at one point
he just goes ahead and refers to the professor as "that wussy Professor Go". Rossman, I don't know how many times I need
to tell you that your penis is inverted, but you may have failed to notice that Go does the following:
make sure the team isn't killing each other
handle every single science project for the team
assist and advise Chief Chujo
jump on the back of a moving car to block an attack from Alberto in episode one
I hate going off on a tangent like this, but Professor Motherfucking Go is incredibly important and shouldn't
be neglected. Although...maybe Go is the lucky one. He didn't wind up in this awful "episode".
While I've got that page linked above, Rossman, I notice you absolutely hate Tetsugyu (to the point where
you make Ginrei "say" she wants him dead) and believe Chief Chujo wants in Ginrei's snootch. Why don't you just buy me a birthday
cake and take a shit on it, while you're at it?
As they gather in the dawn, the remaining Experts stand
below Robo and say a prayer for their fallen comrades led by Chujo. It is then that Koshin notices something move in Robo's
immense shadow. He goes to investigate only to find Ko-Enshaku appear out of nowhere. Koshin reaches for his sword, but then
thinks against it.
Koshin: "Should I stab this creepy cocksucker? Eh, maybe not."
He walks over to the masked samurai
ENSHAKU'S NOT A SAMURAI HIS UNIFORM IS BASED ON AN ANCIENT CHINESE SUIT OF ARMOUR AJHJKGDGASDH
and asks if he's "Finally found what he had been looking
for?" and if it was worth everything that he had sacrificed. Ko-Enshaku nods and in a hoarse whisper says, "Yes.... I can
rest now." Then the armor that was Ko-Enshaku falls to the ground in loud *clanks*. Koshin smiles to himself and says that
life is all about truths that we find for ourselves, and not others' empty thoughts. The camera then pulls out and we can
see the Experts of Justice celebrating their hard earned victory amid the massive destruction that was once Big Fire's main
Sweet Christ in a bucket of clams, I have never wanted to kick a paragraph in the balls so much before.
Rossman, you can't even write about stuff you hate
without sounding like Chris-Chan with a broken dick. Have you ever kissed more than one woman? Because if you have, then
I'll go drive off a cliff because apparently nature is encouraging the fat and stupid to breed, and I just don't need to see
Did Koshin learn a lesson too? Hmmmm, maybe.
Then Robo's face takes up the camera as he blasts away
with Daisaku standing in his palm. They fly to the heavens.