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A Serious Analysis of "Ginrei: Anime Babe #3"

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Anybody who's followed this site for more than two months probably knows I like Giant Robo, like, a lot. And anybody who's been reading recent articles will totally know that I hate the balls off of Rossman, the Internet's biggest Giant Robo fan whom has never actually seen Giant Robo. And I hate to be redundant, but Rossman is a dumbass.
 
So, a while ago, he apparently collaborated with a number of other crumbbums on the internet to compile the Top Ten Anime Babes. The title page is hilarious…it looks like Late Nineties Internet got drunk and puked into a JPG file. ‘Babe’ and ‘skank’ are probably the most dated and worst possible terms he could have used to sort women with, and I’m not even saying that to impersonate Tumblr Social Justice. The only human allowed with getting away with saying “babe” more than once is Robert Plant.

He's also the only man I'll call "fabulous"
without the intent to make a gay joke.
 
In addition to the list, he made two extra pages… these feature the runners-ups and the top Anime Skanks, because if Rossman hates something that doesn't even bloody exist, that doesn't stop him from wailing as he pounds his oily fists upon the keyboard, “It's not fair! Why is Chibiusa such a skanky-skank?” Mind you, I’m not using her as a placeholder. Rossman considers a six year old girl a threat to your sexuality.
 
I'd noticed how Ginrei was one of the “babes”, namely the third entry. I won't list off all the fictional ladies, but I notice that he didn't let Kei and Yuri onto the list because of “insurance costs”, because apparently everything a cartoon character does is totally real in the real world and should be taken seriously. Also…
  • Characters 19 or Younger on Main List: 4
  • Characters 19 or Younger on Skank List: 6
  • Characters 19 or Younger on Runner Up List: 3 (possibly 4)
  • Number of Times Lynn Minmay is Used as a Trap Number One on Both Lists: 2. (Did you even know she's 16 years old by the end of Macross, Rossman?)
  • Number of times Rossman uses the word “skank” in any form on Skank List: 48
So with Rossman's boner for little girls over with, let’s see what he’s done with poor Ginrei. I find it entirely necessary to point out that Ginrei is just barely nineteen years old in the series, as she’s nine when the Bashtarle Incident occurs a decade before the timeline. She’s my age, Rossman. Except she’s a cartoon character and I’m the living copy of Michael from Heavy Traffic.
 
So we open with “Number 03: Ginrei”, except her name is done in green gaelic writing, which I suppose was supposed to emphasize her rose theme but instead makes it seem like she’s into Irish dancing. Right after that is a cute picture of her sleeping on the beach…which ultimately becomes creepy when you see how she’s positioned and consider she’s barely legal in every definition of the term:
 
If you try and tap this, Professor Go will tap you with a steel fan.
 
Reason:  Ginrei is the leggy, green haired beauty of Interpol's Experts of Justice Peking Branch. So not only is she unbelievably hot, but she's totally fearless and tough as nails. She has proven time and again that she is far from the weakest Expert, and is probably even more powerful than most of the Celestial Nine
 
This is a pretty apt description of her, but back the wagon up, motherfucker. The Celestial Nine? Ginrei is beautiful, but her only actual abilities are being crafty, amazing with guns, and teleportation abilities that could kill her if used for some stupid reason. And let me name two Celestials off the top of my head:
  • Taisou: Can jump off the side of buildings, can propel himself through the air, can shoot fireballs from his hands, can breathe fire, and killed the shit out of Cervantes the Dazzling because that fruity fucker cut his wife.
  • Chief Chujo: Has a punch that acts like a bomb, can propel himself Astro Boy-style through the air, and could terminate all life on this earth by punching the ground because he's that powerful.
I adore Ginrei, but she’s not unstoppable. She’s a soft, squishy teenage girl who’s a walking Team Fortress 2. Her teleportation power is actually more of a liability.
 
(I mean hey, she's like the only good guy who actually made it to the last episode- besides the main man Kenji).
 
What about Daisaku Kusama, Issei, Kaei, Tetsugyu, Kashin, Professor Go and Chief Chujo? Or the entire Shanghai base? And wasn't the "main man" a 6th grader? Or, whenever someone other than Ginrei or Kenji was on screen, did you look away from it because you were too busy masturbating to the robots?
 
She also has a very troubled past that she is able to leave behind her. She may not be able to forget it (Jeez, it was pretty tramatic don't you think? I mean an entire country was destroyed right before her eyes!),
 
Yeah, that is kinda traumatizing, you unfunny earlicker. I suppose I’d be “troubled” too if I watched my dad and older brother get caught in the middle of an explosion caused by an escalated yet preventable argument while I barely survive by teleporting myself and my dad’s lab assistant into a pile of rubble and prematurely grow up while watching my father made out by the media into the century’s greatest monster.
 
While we’re here, Ivan’s whole family died in the Incident too, but nobody’s running to give that poor bastard a hug.
 
but Ginrei's definitely strong enough to go on living and save the world despite of it. Damn that Shizuma to cause such hurt in our fair warrioress!
 
Ginrei's so tough in fact that she is actually two Experts of Justice! Big Fire thinks that it has two enemies instead of one (although I think Ginrei would be able to kick the entire BF Organization's ass by herself if Chujo would let her).
 
He hints at it directly after “Episode Eight” is mentioned on his ONIcon 98 page, but he seems to believe Chief Chujo has a thing for Ginrei, and that he coddles her as such. I told this to a friend and she responded with eleven random consonants. I hate to tell you this, Rossman, but that shit’s disgusting. Chujo is 45 and Ginrei is 19. Plus, even if Chujo and Go weren’t already in a canon committed relationship, can you imagine the poor professor’s never-ending worry over how a middle-aged man wants to fork his little girl? He’s raised her since he was 18 years old, and she’s pretty much his daughter.
 
As far as I know, he’s basing this idea off a scene in the second Ginrei Special, which went like this, near verbatim:

Chujo: We designed the Ginrei Robo to respond to one thing about you. (Points at Ginrei’s midsection)
Ginrei: Uh… (Blushing, she cups her breasts)
Chujo: No! I meant your china dress!

And mind you, Chujo reacted like, “Christ, put those things down, young lady. You’re not allowed to grab yourself in front of me unless you’re Go.”
 
First she's known as herself, Ginrei the Beautiful, but she's also known as the Mysterious Iron Mask. Iron Mask is one of the most feared Experts by Big Fire….. And they don't even know the half of it.
 
Iron Mask is little more than a disguise Ginrei flips into to ensure she can get into risky men-only areas, and so Yasuhiro Imagawa could toss in a quick reference to Super Human Kelly from Tetsujin 28. BF Group isn’t the Koopa Kingdom…they’re smart enough to suspect clearly that it’s one of their usual enemies in a suit.
 
I don't get why Rossman thinks every antagonist character has the intelligence of a Spongebob Squarepants character. It's like he imagines every Magnificent Ten meeting to focus on toe-sucking and how many vegetables are in the alphabet.
 
Our lovely Ginrei also has one more important thing going for her, she appears to be one of the only anime babe in existance with good taste in men. Although this is only a bonus (boyfriends and what each babe finds attractive in the opposite sex hold no bearing in the decision of the judges), it is pretty rugged to see that
 
Rossman likes to use “rugged” to mean “awesome”, sometimes “cut-ass rugged”, in typical mid-nineties fashion. Of course, this is ridiculous, now that “rugged” has been reset to its original meaning in our day. Youshi is the rugged one, not Ginrei.
 
And at “finds attractive in the opposite sex”…what if you picked a character who likes girls? Michiru Kaiou and Haruka Tenou weren’t changed to cousins in the dub for nothing.
 
a babe does not have choose the most loser-esk man for a boyfriend.
 
Esque! Shitsauce, I cannot stress that spelling enough!
 
I mean, she totally dissed Tetsegyu (hell, she even gave Genya her gun to shoot him with!).
 
After rewatching part of episode five, I noticed after Tetsugyu finishes his speech, Genya grabs Ginrei's wrist, wrenches the gun out of her hand and points it at Tetsugyu. While we're talking, did anybody notice how many bullets he takes? We see four, but we hear about eight. And like, holy ass, the only thing that stops him is a robot. I retract my statement in Eighteen Questions where I question his mortality. If this man can take most of an automatic round, he can survive being stepped on.
 
Also, it’s worth noting that Rossman will never stop believing Tetsugyu’s name is spelled “Tetsegyu”, possibly because Rossman takes the time each evening to wind down with a warm bath in liquefied crack. “Tetsu” means “iron”, and “gyu” means “ox”. Ergo, Iron Ox. It’s not magic, it’s two damn words that make a name in another language.
 
It's no less than the mighty “Black-Whirlwind” deserved (loser).
 
So Rossman thinks Ginrei hates Tetsugyu? She doesn’t mind the guy. He’s the goofball friend who you’d want to cruise around town and get ice cream/go barhopping with. But she doesn’t like being asked out by him because she’s already in a secret relationship with an older man who’s regenerated more than the Doctor.
 
Rossman, I’m actually getting genuinely mad at you…Ginrei doesn’t want Tetsugyu dead. He’s a dumbass sometimes, but he’s a great dumbass.
 
And don't forget who her real boyfriend is….. Kenji Murasame. The Immortally cool pink fedora wearing Frenchie. He's just an immortal kinda guy^_-
 
For the kids out there, Kenji’s “immortal kind of guy” line comes from the 1995 dub of episode six, and it would have been fantastic to hear him say this, except his first actor had never actually heard a French person before. Hell, even Go’s voice in the original dub came off as ten times manlier. Episode seven and the Media Blasters versions, though, give him a voice that can only be described in adjusted collars and panting.
 
Ginrei has done so much for this world, besides looking damn hot! She fights Big Fire whenever the need arrises,
 
That’s her job, not her hobby. Although I'd pay money to see an OVA where Ginrei fights robots superhero style. Ginrei Special #2 will never count.
 
She lives with shame and disgrace attached to her name so that humanity may have a better tomorrow,
 
What, was it that horrific? Sure, the “Von Vogler” part of her name would make people ask, “Hey, wasn’t your dad the German Stalin with the beard?” but it’s not like they’d come down to kill her.
 
and she protects Daisaku and Giant Robo with her life on a daily basis…. What? You thought it was the other way around? Get serious. Daisaku's even wimpier than the Ox,
 
I’d like to see Rossman try and tell a muscular six-foot-tall fat guy named after cattle with axes up his sleeves that he’s “wimpy”.
 
and even though Robo's pretty cool, he's still only controlled by short stuff. It's up to Ginrei to save their butts, which she does by using her ESPer power (which ultimately ends up almost putting the kibosh on her [although technically her power didn't kill her]) in episodes 6 & 7.
 
No, the power usage was entirely the reason why she started to slowly fade away from the feet up, which was basically her slowly dying amidst sheer exhaustion. You know that part when Genya finds her, and she’s only a head-arms-torso? I had trouble sleeping after seeing that scene.
 
Wait…w-why the fuck would you refer to her dying as “the kibosh”?!
 
Ginrei's got balls enough for the entire Experts of Justice (not just the Peking Branch)!
 
Like I’ve addressed before, if she could teleport (without dying amidst the most horrifying bloodless imagery possible) she’d be powerful as hell. It’s really making me angry that this fucknugget didn’t pay attention to the tomes of cool heroes the show has to offer.
 
Add to the mix the fact that her brother is working for BF and is in charge of Operation Night Stand Still and you'll wonder how and why this babe doesn't crack under the pressure of it all……
 
Here, have a free professor to remind you.
 
But then you'll think to yourself, “Hey, it's because Ginrei VonVogler is the number three Anime Babe of All Time!”
 
Ginrei: “Some basement dwellers said I’m really sexy, and put me on a hideous list! Uh, wow, thanks guys, totally. This absolutely makes me feel better about my dad being considered a monster and how my powers will kill me slowly. Totally.”
 
In Her Own Words:  “Wow! This is a very nice surprise. I just want to thank all of the little people that made this possible and the GR production staff for finally getting off their asses and finishing episode 7!
 
That episode got delayed because nobody had any money to make it, and Imagawa was wondering whether or not he could fit Chujo’s backstory into it. (This is it, from his translated notes on the Japanese laserdisc releases: when Chujo was a young chief, he had long hair, dressed like a punk, and beat the shit out of Hanzui.)
 
This really makes all the death, destruction and dismay worth while.
 
 
And I guess I ought to thank everyone who was slaughtered in Interpol and a special “arrigatou” to Big Fire for doing the slaughtering. I mean, without those sorry sacks of s*** I wouldn't be where I am today.
 
That’s not Ginrei at all! Shithouse, Rossman! You speak like an Aspergery child, and half the questions you ask can only be answered with punches! The realistic psychological effects of watching a surreal disaster like Bashtarle would probably make her hate watching people die. Just because you watched two Ginrei Specials and one OVA episode doesn’t mean you can pretend she wants all those “losers” dead.
 
“So to recap: Big Fire, bad; My friends in the Experts of Justice (dead or alive), good (they're good, not their deaths!); Me being number three AniBabe, great; Tetsegyu getting blown away and stomped flatter than a 'possum on the highway, the best
 
That scene. That scene.
 
So here we got Genya basically ripping apart his little sister’s psyche, and she’s holding onto a barely-functioning twelve-year-old, and Tetsugyu’s coming to kick Genya’s ass. You don’t do that to his friends, and he proved that by breaking Enshaku’s neck a moment before. He’s got blood just about pouring out of him, he’s got a sword, and he finishes his speech and starts to—
 
Genya: We’ll see about that. Gallop!
 
And then Gallop the robot dinosaur comes out of nowhere and presumably crushes Tetsugyu until episode seven. I remember watching that scene with my girlfriend-at-the-time, and she looked like she was going to shit her pants.
 
(too bad Emanuelle is such a bad shot or he could of at least rid the world of the big assed doofus)! Thank you true believers for voicing your support.”
 
Rossman, you pretty much fit the description of “big assed doofus”, so shut up!
 
What really bugs me is how Rossman thinks his opinions are the opinions of everyone around him, and the way he tells them, I can practically see him standing up in his seat at a tavern, raving and slapping his hand on the counter, eyes searching the building for approving faces. Except for the fact that he's trying to push forth the belief that Tetsugyu only deserves death. This is how grisly back-alley shankings behind pubs start.

No, thank you Ginrei for being the number three anime babe of all time!
 
About this point in the article, there was an animated GIF of Ginrei firing a gun, judging by the original file name. That would have been adorable, but Rossman knows how to code HTML as well as he knows how to separate walking down the street and pooping. So if you look for it, you'll only get a broken image, and then a picture of Ginrei in the shower with an abstract glimpse at her teenage beaver.
 
The 1998tastic compression and sizing
of this image is like nothing else.

It's a little known fact, but Ginrei is one of the cleanliest babes in the anime universe too!
 
It's not too obscure...Ginrei was in the shower or in a body of water so many times in the Specials that Alberto even got in on it. That link will take you to an image of full-behind naked Alberto, which you can thank me for or curse me for in an email.
 
This picture is actually beautiful fullsized.
It's up to Rossman to destroy it.
 
Man! I bet that Ginrei's even more handy with those fans than that wussy Professor Go! Hmmmmmm, come to think of it I think that Ginrei's the only cool member of Interpol……well, besides Murasame Kenji of course.
 
Rossman, you cheesefucker, if there's one way to make me the angriest in a Giant Robo-related argument, it's by making fun of the professor. If I might let the last of my cool leave me for a moment, PROFESSOR GO IS INCREDIBLE AND SUCH A SWEETIE FOR GOD'S SAKE HE TAKES CARE OF EVERYBODY AND HE DOES ALL THE SCIENCE AND HE STOPPED AN ATTACK FROM ALBERTO THE EXPLODEYOURFACE OH MY GOD ROSSMAN YOU FUCKING FELON
 
On the other hand, I appreciate how much you like Kenji (the love of my life in 2009 and the reason I like pink today), but you can't seem to stop automatically putting his name in that order. Plus with the "cool members" thing
 
I
 
just
 
no
 
Can't you at even count Chujo as a cool member? And I know a guy who'll turn your ass into ground beef if you piss on Youshi.
 

Hey Ginrei, will you go out with me? Whoa, cool! I'll take that as a “yes”!

Generally this gesture means “go drown in that oceanic body, you bat-fucking ponce”, but Rossman’s boner was too distracted to notice that. Note that he cut this picture up so Daisaku was no longer part of it, although I'm surprised a bit because I was so sure Rossman loves kids.
 
 
Rei. Ginrei. Licence to thrill!
 
Ohhhh God, Rossman. That's a cheap stank so bad I can't even riff it.
 
I think this picture's beautiful too. Oh wait Rossman no NO--
 
Oh, Ginrei! I'm sorry to make you wait for my call! I, uh, I swear I wasn't out with the number one babe! I swear to GOD!
 
ROSSMAN, FOR GOD'S SAKE, SHE'S NOT EVEN REAL also she actually was smiling in the picture. It's far too tiny to truly see so, though.
 
For the interested, the number one beibu was Madoka from Kimagure Orange Road. I'm neutral on anything I haven't given a chance to, so I won't riff KOR. I've also been fighting the urge this whole time to not say "beibe" instead of "babe", and I'll blame this on the Bushaku Loop. Beibe beibe beibe, aaa, bonchu gassudo do-pah!
 
 
Mmmmmmmm, that looks good! Can I have a lick?
 
In some fiction, sucking on a gun is used as a sexual trope, which was possibly the intent with this picture. Not understanding that guns are sometimes used to symbolize penises, Rossman offered to suck it off.
 
I...I got nothing. I'll send any interested parties a free kit of Make Your Own Fellatio Jokes (At Home, In Fifteen Days!) if they need one.
 
 
 
That...that hurt. I don't know why exactly; my head had a dull ache the whole time, and I was supposed to make this article public in July 2011 (seven months ago, for God's sake) but I could barely find my footing in this sweaty mess of ball globbings. Am I making sense anymore? Probably not, so I think we're done.
 
Also he made fun of poor Minmei when he made her the trap baybe. I wish my scalp wasn't itching so hard, or I'd come up with a word more fun than "asshole" to use here.
 
 
 
CLICK ON THE THING TO MAIN PAGE YOUR FACE OR SOMETHING, I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE, SHIZUO CHUJO IS JUST SUPER HOT OKAY
 
 
pouty dilf lips.jpg

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