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Gigantor Issue Five

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Honestly, I don't have any opening words for this issue. Just look at the first page for a moment or two and try to process what's going on here.
 
 
My first thought was, "Well that's a thousand times more detail on one man's crotch than what was necessary." My second thought was, "Sweet Jesus, why is Jimmy staring at Captain Spider's balls?" I'd make a crack about the title being "Spider's Moon" but I can't. Why is Jimmy staring at his balls?!
 
The first page in includes Spider standing before a window, explaining to the reader just how he stole Gigantor. If you weren't reading along before, Gigantor somehow disappeared in an ass-tarded turn of events, and now he's been put in a vaguely phallic rocket by a man with super-tight aviator pants. This turn of events is only believable to nine-year-old boys, or people who look at robots and go "Hawww, a robot. I'm gonna go eat another microwave burrito."
 
 
 
In the meantime, Dr. Brilliant, Blooper and Jimmy are trying to get information from Brilliant's insanely-huge home computer, which involves getting information from yet another handful of weird sources. I'm not really that mad about these cameos this time, since I was missing the act of looking for them, and Captain Gotoh was always my favourite Patlabor character. While they're on the computer, someone comes in, and it's...
 
"Uh, ignore her, you guys. She tends to follow whatever warm body she can."
 
...Dick Strong and a horribly useless Emma East. Look at the panel of Dick's feet, and then at the panel of him and Emma. Why does that panel of them look so horribly drawn and awkward? Where are her feet in that first panel? It's almost like only Dick was supposed to be there, but someone said, "Holy freak, this is a sausagefest!" and it was redrawn to have Dick scootched over to the side while Emma intently stares at a corner.
 
Now, if you take Emma out of this situation, the question we have is how did Dick get in the lab without Jimmy or Blooper knowing? Brilliant doesn't seem surprised Dick is in his house. Maybe Dick just woke up. Bow-dow-dowww-dow.
 
The second coming of I.Q. Plenty.
 
We suddenly cut to Captain Spider's Moonbase, and while it sounds like I'm just randomly putting words together or naming a stoner college band, Spider actually does live on the goddamn moon. He finishes staring at the control box on a table and tries to make Gigantor move, but winds up making the robot blindly walk around, resulting in numerous worker vehicles being crushed. Spider declares "a child's toy requires a child to operate it".
 
Like it had been mentioned before, the control box only works around "Jimmy's aura", making it non-functioning to anybody who's completed puberty. Compare this to the original Japanese version, when it was a remote control box and it worked.
 
"Oh, cool! I get to work with some kids from Digimon!"
 
Suddenly we're back on Earth, where Jimmy, Blooper and Brilliant have boarded some sort of space jet, and Jimmy's met up with some kid secret agents who have absolutely no back story. And then we're in Count Alberto's place, where he's apparently able to tell Spider made the fake Gigantor just by looking at flakes of metal.
 
Then, Alberto is about to launch several robots when they all explode, since Spider bombed the ocean twice for lulz. Everybody on the space jet freaks out, so Blooper transforms from a crappy detective to a space general as soon as they reach the moon base.
 
 
Basically, the plan is to fill a space shuttle with soldiers, have it piloted by a ten-year-old and a fourteen-year-old, and send everybody to a military base on the moon. Here's a sample of these young pilots' skills:
 
Everybody would probably just die in real life.
 
Then, the remaining two-thirds of the page is just of the rockets taking off. I assume this is because they had to stretch a scene to fill a page count, which I find stupid at this point because there have already been two two-page spreads before this scene. Either Dunn was being dramatically lazy, or the writing staff was not ready to write a complete 16-page comic. To me, that's a bit of a rip-off...I may have paid only $2.25 for each comic in my collection, but back in 2000, some poor dick would have to pay $2.50-$3.75 depending on your country in nineties money.
 
 
While some guy throws out enough money for what used to be enough money to buy a full take-out meal, Count Alberto and his assistant are in the middle of constructing the "Black Giant", which is essentially just a repainted Gigantor with a revealing clubbing outfit.
 
They're going somewhere with this, right? The reader is already overwhelmed by having to comprehend that a bunch of kids are flying a space shuttle, and how there's a secret base on the goddamn moon, and how Gigantor got stolen though a plot hole, so where the hell are we going with this?!
 
The first arc of the comic winds up in the next issue. Essentially, Ben Dunn has sixteen pages or less to tie up all these loose plot threads. And listen, I love Tetsujin 28 and all its fifties-era cheeziness, and I love it while keeping in mind how ridiculous and melodramatic it can be. But this comic feels like somebody took Tetsujin 28, beat it with a bag of snakes, and while it was unconscious injected it with a mixture of 4Kids and Retardulence.
 
What I'm trying to say is that this comic is a hollow representation of the source material. I'm surprised this issue didn't make Fred Ladd's face melt with rage when he looked over it to approve it.
 
 
Possibly to treat everyone for a meandering plot, we get a free "pin-up" at the end. The only problem is, I seriously wouldn't pin this on my wall, mostly because it involves ripping out the last page of the book. Antarctic Comics is counting on you to look at this and fall into one of the following categories:
  1. You are a nine-year-old boy who thinks Jimmy and his big robot are cool.
  2. You are a geek who thinks classic giant robots are cool.
  3. You are a stereotypical female or a stereotypical gay man whom is pissed that Jimmy is blocking the view of the sexy men behind him.
  4. You are a shotacon.
 
I'm the only person in this country who's seen both the 2004 TV series and Hakuchu no Zangetsu, so I'm the only person who's familiar with Yasuhiro Imagawa's favourite she-pedo, but dammit who else would be into this pin-up? At the core of this, Ms. Takamizawa is more catered-to by this comic than me. I'm so special.
 
 
 
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