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Gigantor Issue Three

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Welcome back to the wacky world of Gigantor, everyone! To recap, Giant Robo characters are everywhere and so is homoerotica. Lulz befall us right on the cover with one simple image...
 
 
So, of course you can see that's Black Ox, Tetsujin 28's rival from the original series. However, he's been renamed Iron Ox, and appears on the second last page of this issue. So, like, Ox is only on here to appeal to the kind of person that goes, "Hey, a giant robot! My sudden erection is telling me I should buy this right now!"
 
Also, if you're wondering how WIGHT's doing, he's now on the top of the tank. Oh, WIGHT.
 
 
Also, we got a free Otsuka just by opening this issue. His name has now been changed to Inspector Ignatz J. Blooper, and your sudden nausea will pass shortly.
 
"...Much like Jimmy is in mine."
 
We open right away to find out that the entire flashback from last issue had been told to Emma East, whom just reacts with "Oh my, Professor Brilliant!" Then it turns out that Agent Dick has been standing over them the whole time like an aloof fuck. He tells Emma that "it was vengeance!" from eight-year-old Jimmy that brought Gigantor to life, and also calls Grandpa Sparks Jimmy's "only living relation".
 
So...wait...hasn't he been calling Dr. Brilliant his uncle? Why did this whole comic get unnecessarily creepy just now?
 
Meanwhile, Chujo's somewhere going, "Dammit, son! I would've chucked his mini-skirted ass into orbit by now!"
 
Returning to the flashback, Dr. Lazurus is about to fight the Dr. Doom lookalike. Grand Zoom tells Lazurus to "say hello to my little friend" before sending a robot after him. In the meantime, Gigantor is coming up through a shitton of fire to meet Prince Mecha and Goliath.
 
Jimmy activates Gigantor's desu eyes for maximum murder capabilities,
while Dick really, really needs to take a piss.
 
Something that's come to my attention is that Prince Mecha does have Cervantes the Dazzling's fashion taste, but on the other hand, has the enthusiasm and giant nose of Ivan the Terrible. I'll amend my previous judgement and award Ivan a badge, since Prince Mecha is clearly a blend of the two.
 
 
Although, I'd love to know what kind of circumstances would cause Ivan and Cervantes to be blended together, since the idea of the two even having a lovechild sends my brain into spasmodic fits. Maybe Alberto attempted to hybrid his right-hand men using the squickiest method possible, and then gave the offspring a giant robot.
 
Sigmund Freud is rotating rotisserie-style in his grave.
 
Putting haphazard mansex aside, Jimmy is engaging Goliath in battle. Gigantor is flying around, but Goliath has shot out two rocket fists programmed to come after Gigantor. So...uh...Gigantor is getting tailed by fists. Let's move on because what I have next is less nauseating.
 
"TALK TO THE MOTHERFUCKING HAND, 'CAUSE THE
EARS AREN'T LISTENIIIIING!"
 
Dr. Lazurus's great power is revealed to be the Quantum Shield. At first I was like, "Crap, he's only got the Big Bang Talk To The Hand." But then a friend pointed out how it's a perfect combination of Chief Chujo's hand power and Professor Go's shield techniques, asserting my theory that Lazurus is Go and Chujo's son. This is too expertly planned for it just to be something a fangirl sees. It's almost as if it's intentional.
 
 
Adding to the insanity, Gigantor flies by Grand Zoom's robot in a way that causes Goliath's fists to plow into it. The robot explodes, vaporizing Grand Zoom, while Lazurus just kinda stands off to the side smoking a pipe.
 
Goliath and Gigantor fight a little more while yelling the attack names ("Hyper-Thruster Kick" being my favourite for sounding so equally awesome and stupid), when Prince Mecha flees after activating a variety of bombs he planted all over the base "over the months". So shit starts exploding as many a Giant Robo lovechild flee.
 
Dick seems pretty chill that Jimmy's talking with his brain.
 
Bob, Dick and Jimmy, keepers of the bland-ass names, flee in the hands of Gigantor with "a handful of survivors" while the entire base explodes. While Bob and Dick are all canoodled up in the hand, they look up at Jimmy while Dick declares in thought that "out of the ashes of destruction...a hero had been born."
 
That seems awfully poetic for someone who's in shock from a heavy attack on a military base that ended in three robots fighting and an explosion.
 
Why is a middle aged cop hiding in an office with a tween boy?
 
We cut to in the present day, where twelve-year-old Jimmy and Inspector Blooper are hanging out in their office in the World Trade Center I absolutely swear to God. While playing chess, they get a call that there's something huge is at the United Nations.
 
 
Just to make sure things are messed up at the highest level of messedivity, Iron Ox is stationed at the U.N. right as something explodes off the New York City shore. In typical Giant Robo fashion, we end on an aggravating cliffhanger:
 
 
 
Next issue: Spider's Plan! It probably involves spiders.
 
 
 
Allow me to be the first to say holy shit, what was that?!
 
It was like the very end of one story, and the tip of the beginning of another. And the connective tissue is made out of sweet, sweet homoerotica. I'd go into detail about my theories of the insanity we've been through today, but I have a general rule against bringing more pain and horror into the world. I haven't been this confused and angry for half an hour since this asstrap convinced me that there's a Giant Robo episode eight.
 
This is probably due in part to how many male characters and how much "manly" stuff like explosions, robots and militia have been blended together. You can throw in as many Emma Easts as you want, but there's only a certain amount of testosterone you can amount before you end up with a magical adventure about brotherly love, creepy uncles and chasing robots with flying fists.
 
 
 
CLICK ON MY GENERAL REACTION TO THIS ISSUE TO GO BACK TO THE MAIN PAGE
 

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