Today I bring you a media only now being heard of by the public - arcade flyers.
They were usually sent to the arcade owners to advertise a game, and rarely seen by the playing public. However, since the
flyers (and sometimes booklets) were in great quantities, many of them are readily available on the internet.
Today we will go through the strange, the disturbing and the awesome. Images come
from the Arcade Flyer site, and would link to each flyer's page, if not for them being bastards and having
everything link to some game called "005".
The first one is Lupin III.
This is a European flyer from 1980. If you look at the actual game
graphics, there's nothing differentiating Lupin's sprites from a letter 'Y'. But back to the flyer. This was imported in a
time to a country that knew nothing about the Lupin franchise, so all they made do with was some traced stock art and referred
to Inspector Zenigata as "POLICE INSPECTOR" on the second sheet. Gotta love Lupin's sweet top hat, though. It would kind of
give him away easily. Fujiko's left boob is much too pointy, and have just slammed into Zenigata's knees. If you
squint, Jigen and Goemon are on the cabinet, as well as a blonde Fujiko.
Tower of Power
Ah, the old days of subliminal messages. This 1998 "game" is "sure
to become the next big money maker", as well as creep out everyone in the arcade because it looks like a six-foot-tall mutant
penis. I know what I said. Feel the power, damn you!
There's no date on this, but I think I've seen it at Ruckers before.
This was like the alligator bashing game, but you had to hit buttons to stop chickens from coming at you. 'Cause we all know
them chickens is gonna hurt y'all. Oh, and this game played really loud music, which would appall me if I were still five.
Hey! Sonic's on the side of the cabinet!
This disturbing Euro-Japan import featured you playing Space Invaders,
but with a giant mouth shooting smaller mouths at you. According to the second side of the flyer, there were six different
enemies that got you various points, like Crooked Line (100), Penis Candle (100), Devo Hat (100), Tri-Phallus Ship (200),
Egg Carton (300) and Big-Ass Mouth (5,000).
This 1987 Japanese game was the first of its kind to allow players to
levitate for an amount as time, and was possibly the first to have pantyshots. When you played as Akiko (her butt as pictured)
and looked closely when she jumped, you could see two white pixels signifying her panties. According to the manual, she is
only 10. Dammit, kid! If you're going to go out flying, at least wear something other than a Uran dress! Anyway,
if you look again, you can see clones of Earthbound's Ness and the Mario Bros. Also, a creepy old man. Satan's medallion
also appears to have the Kool-Aid Man with an 'S' on him.
Here we go, with a flyer that doesn't know which demographic it's
aiming for. Two of the fighters are about to beat the snot out of two boys, one of whom has the same summer shorts I had when
I was a kid. Even the cabinet appears to be leering at the kids. Now, while I know nothing about Mortal Kombat and may offend
someone, but the man on the left has the same mask as Breetai from Robotech: Macross Saga. There's probably
an innuendo in "So Real, It Hurts" involving the kidnapped boys, but I'm sure you know it already.
Looks like the Japanese were into the Bucky craze, too! This was the
poster for a lovely 1992 game that was released in American and Japan. You gotta love the beaming colours. Here, Bucky shoots
at us while 6,000 other characters brawl in the background. There's hiragana in Jenny's eye, though. This is much better than
the American poster, which was more depressing than anything else.
This flamboyant 1974 game, reading the second sheet, appears quite monotonous.
It was all about pressing buttons in a skill & memory game, so nothing that would entertain your little brother for an
hour. Still, upon seeing this picture, "Extreme Ways" by Moby entered my head and stayed there. Do note how Atari calls video
games "Innovated Leisure".
I'll be damned if I can figure out what's going on in the 1981 game.
Do I play as a woman in a leotard, or is this another example of sex appeal selling? Alas, yes, we would play as a bug...1981
graphics would only display a woman, let alone Lupin, as a pointy shape. Hooray for the Japanese and their nonsensical yet
alluring games! I would have honestly played it if it were about pretty bug women. Yes.
Arcade Water Game
How greatly I remember this 1992 game from the Ruckers Arcades. It was
quite simple a game, and playing alone certained you a load of tickets. Above, we see some pretty girl who appears no older
than fifteen. She stands next to two flamboyantly-dressed men and an even fruitier Party Gator. What, are they playing in
an airport bathroom? Someone's basement? Purgatory? This image is way too depressing for a supposedly "popular" game.
Holy H. Shit On A Wheel. I've just looked up more about this game, and
as it turns out, this was some sort of lame action game that was totally ripping off of "Lupin III: Castle of Cagliostro".
In fact, clips of the movie would play between levels, supplied by an attached laser disc. From what I've read, everything
was edited over so that only Lupin, Clarice, random thugs and Count of Cagliostro were the only characters shown. Oh yes,
and Lupin was called "Cliff" and the Count was "Count Dreyco". You non-anime fans don't know how disturbing this
This is from 1975, and it is very well the most depressing thing I've
seen tonight. The cabinet looks like my friend's old TV. Studying the flyer, I have concluded that is is a cheap rip of Pong.
This was, what, three-four years after Pong? There probably wasn't anything other than "sports" games and racing, so there
are probably 500 more games like this.
This was probably drawn by the same guy who drew "Psychic 5". So, this
image is supposed to entice an arcade into buying this? Whe it looks like it's been drawn by some weirdo who just
watched a lot of Project A-Ko and has no drawing skills or accurate knowledge of traditional China? What's up with
the little guy in red, standing alone at the right, about to dig that spear into the big guy's crotch? I'd also hate to be
the little guy in yellow, who's about to be mashed by either big guy's foot.
I have no idea what in the hell you would do in this game,
but apparently it involves French anime girls dancing while you hit them with darts and try to win some dinky gashapon toy.
The girl on this poster is saying "BURABO---♥" which certainly means "bravo". This wouldb-- HOLY HELL, HER THIGHS
ARE HUGE! And her body is twisted in two different directions, so I really can't tell if that's a panty or
another garter! Bah, maybe it's not even her own lower half.
Mahjong Sailor Wars
Wow, remember this? This Sailor-Moon-Rip-Off-With-Date-Rape mahjong game had its own flyer circulated
at one point, and it makes everything look happy-happy-happy. I like how Mars has a face like "You're not really
gonna buy this, are you?" And then th-- HOLY, Tuxedo Mask has panties over his face! And in the thumbnail below him,
we can see that Chibi-Usa turns out to be in the game. Agh.