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Another Five Internet Fetishes That Come From Childhood Cartoons

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I think, at this point in time, that our series of articles needs no introduction. We have gone through ten awkward and sometimes physically-impossible fetishes, and today, we're going through even more. The collective Internet has told me that its ideal woman is an obese, fifty-foot-tall lioness. She lives in an underwater lair, has a giant butt and a gas problem, frequently gets stuck in doors, and must turn into a child to go through them. When people bother her, she tickles them violently and then eats them.
 
I like guys who look like Bob Dylan.
 
dat hair
 
These articles work like therapy upon the more normal residents of the internet...no matter how weird and awkward you are, (i.e. being attracted to Star Trek cosplayers, pizza delivery men, or chain-smoking folk singers) these articles make you feel better. That is, after a mild bout of nausea. Let's resume with the weird(er) fetishes, which at this point, are left to the weird-as-hell crap that no one expects. It's like shifting through the weird, gnarled things at the bottom of a bag of Bits & Bites.

 
Hypnosis
 
This is by a reverse weeaboo artist. Using this as evidence makes me feel sad.
 
This fetish revolves around the glorification of hypnotizing someone, usually for no actual reason, other than Subject A was near Subject B and chose to hypnotize the latter. I would've naturally assumed that this fetish originally started when someone had a magician for their birthday, was hypnotized, and then woke up money-less and pantsless on a hard floor.
 
Frame of Mind
Hypnotism, when coming from someone, is described as being a "charming, hypnotic spell" or something similar, and part of the thrill seems to be from keeping someone in a vunerable and mellow state, after which the aggressor can do anything to them, just like that magician. This is like S&M with magic.
 
What Led To It?
The Jungle Book. It's all because of that damn snake. Here's the original clip in German so it's creepier.

Aside from the fact that Mowgli looks like he's tripping balls at 0:15, this clip has spawned hundreds and hundreds of similar videos and pictures, frequently with completely unrelated characters, and they're all weird as fuck. I always assumed Kaa was doing that to Mowgli so he would be chill about Kaa eating him alive (vore!), but apparently everyone else thought it was foreplay to some good-old-fashioned tentacle rape. I can't even believe it at this point...search "Kaa And ______" on Youtube and you'll find every single female cartoon character ever being mindraped by Kaa.
 
 
Mpreg
 
Sonic doesn't use protection.
 
With the M standing for "Male", this fetish's expanded name is "Male Pregnancy". As in, dudes having babies. They acquired a uterus and an exit location in their netherregions for pregnancy to be possible. I just heard all my male readers cross their legs. It's okay, guys. But don't mind me saying that I'm happy to see a fetish that specifically targets males, unlike everything else we've seen.
 
Frame of Mind
In the fetishists minds, all of which are coursing with horny estrogen, Mpreg is the only answer to ensuring that their yaoi couple can reproduce and have a family. (Because, evidentally, it's illegal for homosexuals to adopt in Wacky Lala Land.) Yaoi, for those who don't know, is a Japanese word with more or less the meaning of "gay porn", but it applies to any animu gay couple. Because how else are you going to force a dude to have a baby? You give him another dude, and somehow female reproductive organs. It's like Kei Kisagari in reverse.
 
What Led To It?
There's no definitive answer. The fetish seems to have existed since the early 2000s, when the english yaoi fandom was strengthening itself. In recent years, however, the biggest contributor to the fetish has been a TV special of Fairly Odd Parents, in which Cosmo the fairy got pregnant (since male fairies get pregnant instead of females) with their baby Poof, leading to a whole episode of Mpreg that is clearly pandering to its older female demographic.
 
The best Cosmo Mpreg art there is.
 
This, of course, has birthed the theory (pun totally intended) that all the other male fairies can have babies. This means that there is Jorgen Mpreg and you should avoid it. And the lot of this worries me for obvious reasons...how many of you remember Cinderelliot? My comic with the gay fairy? If Cinderelliot ever gets a wider fanbase, how long is it until the Fairy Godfather gets pregnant? I'm actually sort of scared now.
 
 
Inflation
 
That's Samus Aran. Come back next week when I come up with something sane to say.
 
Because it's just not a fetish article until someone gets really fat, this fetish centres on the concept that people who have been inflated like balloons are hot shit. As in, they have been pumped up with air, usually with a pump. The most screwed up thing is that people are actually trying this in real life, and that is not okay. (Note: Link is NSFS, Not Safe For Soul.)
 
Frame of Mind
An anti-gravity spin-off of the Bloat fetish, the fetishists find stimulation in the subject's slow swelling-up in size. To them, an explosion is like an orgasm. Bigger is better in this fetishdom, and some people like to watch the subject's body bulge out at different speeds. Female inflation is reportedly hard to find in cartoons, and treasured when discovered. (I have seen a comment on Youtube blaming this on the media's ideal of thin women. I believe it's because studios realized people were getting off to it.)
 
What Led To It?
Inflation exists as a visual gag in some Looney Tunes cartoons, but the real catalyst was this...
 
 
That's right, a little girl turned into a blueberry and people have masturbated to it ever since. No wonder Willy Wonka was so pissed off at the end of the movie.
 
 
Muscle Growth
 
Dan's only eleven years old, isn't he? Oh hell.
 
So now we've hit the opposite of the bloat fetish and its many incarnations...this fetish revolves around a character - usually a male one - being super-muscular for no reason. And when I say that, I don't mean a semi-normal muscle amount like Charles Atlas. I mean fucking muscular, so it looks like the character's wearing a veiny skin suit with every single remote muscle emphasized. At least they're not fat.
 
Frame of Mind
Females are especially favoured to be muscular, since it contrasts with gender standards. For the fetishists, seeing someone flex in this state is extremely arousing, but it involves the subject always be wearing skimpy clothing or no shirt for the muscles to visible. This is kind of like modifying your telephone to pick up space signals, but only being able to use the phone on the roof of your house, regardless of where in town the call is going or coming. Yeah, that's totally it.
 
What Led To It?
Moderately recent, this sort of thing came from the late, late eighties or the early, early nineties. Specifically...

Yeah, that's right, most of this fetish was caused by little gags in Tint Toon Adventures. I loved this cartoon as a kid, and while most of its jokes don't translate well into the twenty-first century, this did. Isn't that depressing.
 
 
Animal/Lizard Transformation
 
The word "wtf" is thrown around quite a bit these days...
 
This fetish involves people turning into wolves/cats/dinosaurs, and is usually tolerable when it doesn't involve bodily disfiguring. A spin-off of the Furry fetish, this one focuses on the subject's morphing into another species entirely. I remember in 2006 or so, when a guy joined the same Darkwing Duck community I had, put up all his artwork of Darkwing as a variety of dinosaurs, and the webmistress was confused as hell.
 
Frame of Mind
The fetishist will let you see what they draw or enjoy looking at, but they won't openly admit what it is or the underlying intents. Some of them are the opposite, but they're weathered fans, and they don't give a damn how you feel about seeing a well-endowed woman turn into a wolf. It's dangerous to make a cartoon revolving around or even briefly involving someone transforming into a creature, because these fetishists take to everything dearly. When I found out people would get off to Feather and Fur, I cancelled it after drawing five pages.
 
What Led To It?
As determined by the earliest source I could--
Oh no. No, no, not again...

Well, turns out my mentor, Osamu Tezuka, inspired two weird internet fetishes. The shock I feel manages to surpass what I felt when I learned Tezuka used to smoke. Don't laugh at me, I was genuinely mortified. The guy depicts himself as an adorable, lanky genius in all his manga, so you don't expect him to do shit like that to himself. When you realize the equation for his death was cigarettes + ulcers = stomach cancer, everything adds together into a bottomless pot of ragesauce.
 
Okay, we're off-topic by several miles now. The point of this article is that we are all crazy. He likes being whipped? I want to touch Bob Dylan's hair? You wish you were a balloon? She likes drawing herself as a sweating lioness? (Don't make me get into Sweating Fetishism...maybe later this year) We've all got crap like that. Some of us just have crap that makes the rest of us want to hurt us.

So, let's update the profile of the collective Internet's dream woman. She's an obese, fifty-foot-tall lioness. She lives in an underwater lair, has a giant butt and a gas problem, frequently gets stuck in doors, and must turn into a very muscular child to go through them. When people bother her, she hypnotizes them, tickles them violently and then eats them. And her father gave birth to her, but she was a human originally, and turned into a lion after she was magically turned into a balloon.
 
Congradulations, Internet! You are officially whack. Let's go have a tea party.
 
 
 
 
I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE WITTY TO SAY, JUST GO BACK TO THE MAIN PAGE
 

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