I first learned about Dr. Rabbit from a medium called Youtube Poop, where someone takes a cartoon
and cuts it up in an unholy fashion. I was curious as to what this confusing cartoon was, so a short bit of research determined
There were two Dr. Rabbit specials, one in 1998 and one in 2004. The later special is hard to make fun of,
contains little product placement, no implication of child kidnapping and Dr. Rabbit gets a pretty, female Lola Bunny-esque
confidante named...er...Dr. Brushwell. However, the first special, the one you are about to see, is much more insane.
So here he is. He leaps out of a hot air balloon's basket and screams "Hello there! I
am Doctor Rabbit, the world's only rabbit dentist!" GOOD. When you get a chance, listen to his voice.
He sounds like an over-excited third-grade teacher. Soon, Dr. R informs us that he's about to visit kids around the world
and teach them how to brush their teeth properly.
Allow me to direct your attention to the top of the balloon. Now, if that's not product placement, nothing
is. However, Dr. R never says "Colgate" any time during the video, thus labelling this placement as a veil. An innuendo
Dr. R starts up the balloon and calls out "Come along if you'd like!" Meaning, you don't have to go with
him. It's an invitation to run.
The first kid Dr. Rabbit picks up is Carmen. She greets him with "Hola, Dr. Rabbit! Welcome
to Europe!" Huh? Is this in Spain? Why Spain, of all places? Anyway, Dr. R hops out and says "Good to see you again, my friend!",
thus implying Dr. Rabbit has met with Carmen a few times before. We call that a repeat offender.
So, he rats on her for
eating chips, and tells us that "Plaque Monsters" grow when you eat starchy foods "like, hm, crackers and potato chips!" remarks
our retromutagen rabbit. Crackers? The saltine kind? Whee! Anyway, Dr. Rabbit invites Carmen to join him on his "Bright
Smiles Tour" as he calls it. She accepts and pulls out her bicycle. "Hop on and let's go!" The two leave, Dr. Rabbit calling
out "Next stop, Africa!"
Note that this is an 11 year-old girl carrying a five-foot-tall bunnyman, the girl travelling
from Spain to Zimbabwe.
The next kid Dr. Rabbit abducts is Kondi. After introducing her to Carmen, despite how both
girls seem to know Dr. Rabbit quite well, Kondi asks "Will you teach me how to have bright smiles, too?
"THAT'S WHY I'M HERE!"
The accompianing background monkey
screeches make this spot more disturbing than it looks. So, Dr. Rabbit gets all the animals some toothbrushes and toothpaste,
and strangely, a monkeys, a lion, an elephant and various animals can brush their teeth. Let alone stand on their hind legs
Dr. Rabbit teaches a retarded hippo that you should not share your brush or use it when the bristles are shaggy.
After a brain-burning song, a large ostrich appears and Dr. Rabbit and the kids ride it up to China.
After the ostrich collapses from exhaustion, Dr. Rabbit and the girls arrive in China. Xao
is the next kid they meet, Xao looking like he's just stepped out of an episode of Robotboy.
After the animators reveal they got the Red Panda and the Chinese Panda confused and but a
full-size panda in a tree, Dr. Rabbit admires the Great Wall. "You know, the Great Wall
kind of reminds me of FLUORIDE!" he squeals, and whips out a tube of toothpaste with the Colgate logo
plastered on it. He even jams it in the viewer's face, Colgate desperate to recruit child customers.
Suddenly they disappear into a fantasy land, where Dr. Rabbit and the kids are dressed as ancient
Chinese soldiers with magical toothbrushes. There's yet another song, and the kids polish up giant teeth so the Plaque Monsters
can't wreck them. Finally, they come back to the real world and Dr. Rabbit rides in on a Chinese cart.
"NOW! Shall we continue our WORLD TOUR?"
Do note how it seems that Dr. Rabbit has only one facial expression. And that face is
"Didya know I've been using pep pills?"
So, the kids jump in the cart and Dr. Rabbit yells, "Australia,
here we come!" Unfortunately, the Youtube Poop makers have taken that "COME!" and inserted it into sentences,
as to make it seem like Dr. Rabbit is referring to...uh, anyway...
The next scene is disturbing. Dr. R and his band of kidnappees come accross the camp of a young
girl named Olivia. The thing is, when I first saw her, I imagined her to sound like an eleven year-old
girl. However, her dubbing artist was an adult woman pulling a craptastic Australian accent, giving the illusion
that Olivia is a midget. Still, why is she orange?
Olivia claims she's been brushing every day, but Dr. Rabbit spits on her for not flossing.
Olivia asks, "What's floss?"
This woman, small as she is, has never heard of FLOSS? Anyway, Dr. Rabbit whips out some floss
and teaches the kids how to use it. After flossing Olivia, she whistles and a large kangaroo appears.
You can't see too well, but the kangaroo is wearing a t-shirt with the Colgate Bright Smiles
Olivia gets in the kangaroo's pouch and remarks, "Their rides are real bumpy, but it's perfectly
safe!" Didn't some kid almost die in 2005 after a kangaroo kicked him in the face when the boy attempted to get in the pouch?
And aren't the kangaroo pouches lined with a mucus coating? Yeah, thanks, Olivia. Not to mention that we'll be in this slimy
pouch from here to America.
After hopping past the White House, and after completely ignoring Canada, Dr. Rabbit claims that they are in
North America. The group shows up in a museum. We come across our all-American boy Michael,
of whom Dr. Rabbit seems to have "met" before. Michael asks "Hey, what's goin' on?" and Dr. Rabbit gets into a long-winded
rant about everybody having baby teeth and adult teeth. After nagging, he opens his suitcase and pulls out a full-size
dentist's chair, of which Michael sits down in. Dr. R teaches us about sealants and put some on Michael's teeth. Once
he's done, Dr. Rabbit's Colgate-plastered rocket comes up from the ground and they're off to Brazil. Why you'd need
a tachyon rocket to go to South America, I'll never know.
The next kid they meet is Alahundro. Dr. Rabbit, yet again, seems to know
him well, and Dr. Rabbit teaches us the importance of wearing mouthguards while playing sports. Then the group recaps what
they've learned, then Alahundro kicks the ball at Dr. Rabbit. Possibly an act of defense, but Dr. R kicks it around and back
to the boy. Dr. Rabbit whistles, and his hot air balloon from the beginning of the program reappears. The kids all get in,
a song starts, and he flies into friggin' space. One would expect everybody to explode, but they do not. They get
back into the atmosphere, and fly past a young boy in India, who waves his toothbrush at them.
Carmen arrives safely in Spain, her bicycle as well. Kondi arrives back in Africa with her
protective family of wild animals. But where is the ostrich? Sao gets home, too, but without the cart. As for the remaining
children - a Brazilian, an African-American and a girl suspiciously resembling the ideal Nazi - they are left to jump
from the balloon cart and parachute down from space.
Dr. Rabbit thanks us for coming with him and flies into the sunset, but not before flashing
the Colgate logo in our faces one more time.
Many things are left for us to pick at. Why were the remaining three children left to jump
from the safety of the balloon and burn up in the atmosphere? Michael looks reluctant to jump, as if Alahundro and Olivia
are daring him to jump along with them. Michael's arms are spread out as he parachutes, possibly in fear.
Who was the child in India, still left on the Earth? He could be a lucky child, having evaded
Dr. Rabbit, or is one of the next kids to join his World Tour.
That still leaves the question as to where the parents are. Olivia is seen standing by two
tents, implying her parents are away but still stay at the camp. Kondi lives on the Zimbabwe plain, no trace of adult life.
She is even see gathering water for herself. Perhaps the smiling animals around her are her guardians? But wouldn't they have
attacked and killed Dr. Rabbit when he arrived? Simple. This means Dr. Rabbit may not be evil after all.
Could he be a guardian, albeit an alarming one? The children and the wild animals know him
well. Michael is found in a museum, just so at the same time Dr. Rabbit shows up. Was Michael waiting for him, hiding from
something at home? The longest scene in the program is the one with Kondi, implying that child needs the most attention out
of all the kids.
Yet, where is the ostrich they travelled to China on? Or their Chinese cart? Or the rocket,
the kangaroo? Carmen's bicycle is seen at the end, but not the animals. Perhaps Dr. Rabbit does not like these wild animals,
perhaps afraid they will attack his children. Well, children except for the mature-voiced Olivia, whom is either a midget
or is a preteen undergoing strong vocal changes.
It is too much to try in find within a cartoon about a fluorescent rabbit. All we are left
with is the twisted story of this befabled dentist, which only his beloved children can fill in. Maybe between their psychotherapy
clases, we will ask them.
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