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Beating Angel Dokuro-Chan

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Before we get started, allow me to remind you that this is just another chapter in Toon Town's exploration of anime. My first manga was "CLAMP School Detectives", which I only now realized contained faint hints of "shounen-ai". [I thought they were just comrades, and that the flowery background meant nothing.]
Today we take a look-in into the first episode of an anime that will scar the uninitiated. Or, me. LET'S READ!
 

Our story begins with Sakura Kusakabe (brown-haired boy), Shizuki (pigtails) and Miyamoto (blue hair) walking home from school. The kids complain about how much work they recieve, then Miyamoto gets to his house and leaves the group and our minds. Sakura and Shizuki are left walking, and Sakura asks if he can call her if he has trouble with homework. We are introduced to the fact that Sakura likes Shizuki. Sakura goes in his house and up to his room, instantly discovering...

Dokuro topless, in her underpants, changing for no damned reason in the wrong room. Both kids freak out, so what does Dokuro do? Instead of putting on clothes and going back to her own damn room, Dokuro pulls out this big-ass bat lined with spikes and hacks off the top of Sakura's head. Blood goes all over the place.
Dokuro screeches "I'm sorry!" and proceeds to spin around waving the bat while chanting "Pi Piru". It's a re-animation spell. We now learn the premise is that Dokuro acts like a dumbass, Sakura does something, Dokuro kills him and brings him back to life. Lather, rinse, repeat.
All the blood disappears and Sakura gets up and screams at Dokuro because she "promised this morning that you would stop beating me to death!" Her grounds are that he came in while she changed. It's his room, keep in mind.
A recap informs us that Dokuro appeared suddenly in Sakura's room, and for no reason. Then the theme starts.
 
The theme song is composed mostly of "PIPPY PIRU PIPPY PIRU FRIGGIN' PIPPY", being sung by a chorus of Pinoko, Wato Chiyoko, Sailor Venus and Sae Sawanoguchi. Behind all this shrieking, Dokuro flies through the air with "Excaliborg", that damn bat. I shall sample the lyrics:
 
Killer, beating angel
Always spraying blood all over, Dokuro-chan
Killer, beating angel
Always showing her affection, Dokuro-chan
Stomp you and bound you and pound on you
Kick you and tease you and hang you, too
But that's the way I show my feelings for you
 
Ugh. During this we watch Dokuro treat silhouetted people the same way they treated prisoners in Guantanimo. Then at the end, she dances over to a comatose Sakura and hugs him. It goes on like this. One scene shows Dokuro drilling the bat into the crotch of a silhouette. I'm in for one.
 
We cut back to the show with Sakura working on his homework while watching the news. The report claims, I kid not, that George W. Bush had a chalkboard eraser in his suit and Kim Jong Il's glasses have no lenses. Then Michal Jackson appears on screen, and Dokuro runs in and hugs Sakura. There is a close-up on Dokuro's chest area and a "squish" noise appears. How old are these kids?
He says he's doing homework, then for no fricking reason Dokuro starts choking him. We are then subject to a disturbing scene with Sakura gagging as he calls for help and his head turns into a skull. She stops and cries about him doing his homework, then pulls out some manga and screams "when a cute girl visits a boy, they forget all about doing their homework and are forced to stand in the hall and always score zeroes on tests!" Sakura obviously doesn't want to play board games with Dokuro, so she jumps on the table and begins spinning around on her back, subjecting Sakura and the viewer to multiple pantyshots.
Sakura says he can't concentrate on his homework with the repeated flashings, so Dokuro stands on the table and yanks up her skirt while the camera gives us five different views of her underwear. Just so you know, I, a female, am in hell.
There's some crap, then Sakura's dad comes home and Dokuro gets off the damn table. Dad adds nothing to the story, but Dokuro states she's going to school the next morning. And she does, and Sakura is all the more miserable.

He drags her behind the school, thus making her think they're going to...uh, but Sakura just wants her to act like a normal (read...NORMAL...) kid. She's upset, so she hacks off his head. Blood geyser. Then she brings him back to life. On with the story, if there is one wating.
So, Sakura is quite annoyed with being kacked, and instructs Dokuro not to reveal she's an angel and to not use "tear-gas bombs, either!" She promises, too, which is probably as valuable as a soiled mattress. Sakura gets into class and is attacked by all the boys, angry that he's with a "beautiful girl" (their words, not mine), and they call Sakura a "pedophile". Their hideous teacher shows up and breaks up the fight, then introduces Dokuro. All the boys make unneeded kissy-faces, and begin flicking pencil nibs at Sakura. Dokuro gives us some unneeded personal information, and now we know...ugh...that her measurements are 33-20-31 (or 85-52-81). What grade is this? The kids look like they're ten! What's worse is the teacher's line:

Remember kids, in Japan, pedophiles are just like big, crazy friends!
Dokuro sits next to Sakura, which gets more pen nibs shot at him. Shizuki (remember her?) speaks up and offers to look after Dokuro. RUN, SHIZUKI!! Suddenly this Umino-esque guy pops up behind Sakura. Dokuro whips out the bat and gets ready to hit when Umino transforms into...

...a clip-art monkey headed...thing. The thing proceeds to try and impale Sakura, but the whole time Teacher asks Dokuro about her halo. It is instantly revealed that she is an angel, so the whole class vows to be nice to her.
The monkey stops attacking Sakura, and he notices that some quiet girl named Aoki, who was sitting next to him, is gone. He assumes she was turned into the monkey. Sakura goes to the front of the class and screams that everybody should be freaking out about the monkey, Aoki and Dokuro. Teacher leaves the room and everybody crouches. Dokuro proceeds to kill & reanimate Sakura.
 
We then see a punk demon, in holograph form, telling Dokuro that "Rulutia has dispatched someone over there." and that Dokuro should not let Sakura out of her sight. Then the camera pulls out to show Dokuro on the toilet while talking to the demon. She not just sitting on the lid, either. Her underpants are clearly bunched around her ankles. Ew.
 
Elsewhere, Sakura borrows a book from the school library while Shizuki asks him about Dokuro. In the meantime, the crank is on a trip trying to find Sakura. She breaks down the boy's bathroom door, thus making some inappropriate shots of boys in the can. Dokuro gets another idea...

...Yep. She'll reveal his secrets over the intercom unless he goes to the office. She starts off by saying that Sakura keeps his dirty magazines & books "in the largest drawer in the dictionary case!" The faculty and student body laugh at him, so he runs up the hall towards the office. Then he runs into some bird and instantly gets a view up her skirt. The camera ogles her body, then we see who she is:

The two apologize and he lends her his hankerchief, and that's it.
 
BUT THE EPISODE ENDS THERE!!
 
All written material here is 2007-2011 Fauna Crawford, along with any images identified as such. All other copyrights belong to their respective owners and creators. Permission is required to use any original material from this site.