LUNAR: Welcome back, readers. Lunar Rabbit here with Sarah, my sister, and Quacker.
SARAH: It turns out this
chapter isn't too G-rated, so we let Skipper take a break.
QUACKER: Yeah; the robot kids are still kinda spooked by the
LUNAR: Now let's start reading!
Sonic The Hedgehog: Blood and Metal Alpha
By David Gonterman for FoxFire Studios
QUA: What does he mean "FOR"? Foxfire Studios is his own creation!
[Singing] Madness is all in the mind...
Sonic the Hedgehog and all related characters (c) Sega of America Davey
Crockett and Blood and Metal story line (c) 1995 David Gonterman
LUN: Oh, good! It's the list of self-insertions
with overwhelmingly unfitting magical powers!
Vixie Lamenta by Holly-Beth Kraft
Mighty Fox by Doug Loconti
(The Hermit) by Daniel Davis
Sasha Prower by RottinKid
QUA: Makes sense.
Sonia Hedgehog by Sonia
Oh, by the way, I didn't put the sticker on this story yet.......
QUA: MAY CONTAIN NUTS
SAR: KEEP OUT
OF REACH OF CHILDREN
LUN: PROLONGED CONTACT MAY HARM
[MA-17], (Mature Audiences, 17 and older),
glance at Sarah]
for graphic violence done to robots, and for what happened to Davey's
real left arm. [NPC], (Not Politically Correct); Wussies who get offended by being in the same universe as white males need
SAR: Mori told me about this...this is called white male supremism, right?
Three, Act One:
The unearthly sound of Davey Crockett throwing up greeted knothole village the
morning after the night he arrived.
QUA: Oi. A couple hours in town and he's already puking them a welcome. The
It came from Sonia Hedgehog's hut, who drew the short straw to find out with who he'll sleep with until
he got his own hut.
LUN: [Sonia] The sunovabitch! I let him in and...grr!
Sasha Prower, a healer-slash-mage
and Tail's cousin, and Rosie, the grandmothery nanny of Knothole, were headed there. "It sounded like Davey, Rosie," Sasha
said. "Either Sonia's playing too rough with the guy..."
th' last twenty-four hours hav' caught up t' th' poor lad. Ye remember, Sasha. Davey's been fed into th' Roboticizer, chucked
through th' Void, and had his species changed. An' all in th' same day..."
QUA: Sure, but it wouldn't make ME sick.
"...why, no, Davey. I don't exactly envy you right about now," Sonia said to the human-turned-fox who was vomiting for the
fifth time into the john. "Maybe giving you that chili dog late night snack wasn't a good idea. Hope you're no mad..."
WHY on Mondenus is there a supposedly attractive girl hanging around him while he pukes?!
"Wuz that ya said? Ah's buzy..."
"Buzy puking your guts out, I see. I wouldn't be surprised
if your biochip fell outta your mouth."
"Ha-Ha-Ha! Now that's an image burned int' memory fo'
th' rest o' th' day. Ha-Ha--HARRUGGH!"
EDITOR'S NOTE: The MiSTress of this story had a horrific stomach flu on
November 8th 2007, about six days prior to MiSTing this story. All she would like to say is that Davey is one twisted bastard
for using vomiting as a joke.
He hacked three more times into the toilet, but nothing
came up. "I'm afraid you are on empty, Big Guy." "Aw, crud. It's harder t' tell the ol' gag reflex to quit it when there's
nothing left to puke."
EDITOR'S NOTE: I said stop it, David.
"Ach," said an
incoming Rosie, "Look at ye, Crockett. Ye look like roadkill."
"So that's what ah fell like?"
"C'mon," interjected Sasha, "Let's get you back to bed."
EDITOR'S NOTE: Screw you, David.
Davey managed to flush the toilet and lower the seat ("That was awfully nice o' him.")
QUA: All th' more painting
himself as a prince while adding unnecessary info.
before he collapsed on his bed, actually, it was a cot that
didn't compensate for the extra foot of legs that Davey left sagged on the floor.
Sasha set her hands on the tall fox and both started to glow. "It's not really bad, it's probably a rough day catching up
with him. I especially sense the stress between his roboticized shoulder and...his..."
gasped. Her eyes dilated. Her fur turned white. "What's wrong Sasha? You look as if you seen a..."
grown man in a fursuit?
Sasha managed to lift the lid of the porcelain altar before adding
her offering to Davey's. "His...His arm...Oh, God."
SAR: [Sasha] Dear God...WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SHAVE?!
"What is it, Lass? What's wrong?"
"I-I just saw his left arm. It was chopped off--NO! It was SHOT
off! It's lying in a pool of Davey's own blood.
LUN: As opposed to his arm being in someone else's blood.
Technically, he could write that and make himself look badass.
Hand...twitching...crying out for mercy...But,
was only greeted...with blood...and metal."
"Oh my. Y'mean his arm wasn't roboticized!?!?"
"No, Sonia. It was removed."
SAR: Hooray. A plot development that takes us pretty much nowhere.
QUA: Well, nowhere
we'd actually want to go.
"Removed, you say," Sally asked as she
arrived into the hut. "That was one of the original uses of the Roboticizer, until Robotnik got his hands on it, of course.
Will the poor dear be all right?"
Sasha was still gasping for breath. "That depends on what you
mean my 'all right!'"
LUN: Tsh. Must be nice having your own squad of cooing girls, huh, David?
to Sarah] Your brother...he is a bit jealous...
Sally couldn't find anything
about Davey from Nicole, so she wanted to link up to his computer for an update. She also wanted to catch him up to
speed on Mobian current events, especially the parts about Robotnik leaving the planet for the time being, and Sally having
speed granted to her by the Deep Power Stones. She also found out why Davey's arm was shot off, as another hologram from King
QUA: [King] GET THAT WEIRDO OUT OF THE VILLAGE!
"I hope you're not viewing this file in front of all of Knothole, Sally. This concerns something that Davey here would
like to forget: The political strife where he lost his arm. It would appear that there were a faction of Davey's ancestors
that behaved much like Dr. Robotnik, for they captured a certain sub-race of their own species as slaves.
Some of the descendants of these slaves, although granted their freedom almost a century ago, thought
themselves fit to demand reparation for their captors' sins on their children. One of those such people shot Davey's arm off."
("I swear, I would never consider to do such a thing...unless o'couse to a robot."
"Was that before you became one, Sonia?"
"I'll pretend I didn't heard that, Sasha.")
"I suspect that you
would feel, as I did, very sorrowful over the whole ordeal, especially for how it left Davey. It is a situation where
acts of injustice and intolerance is only met by another, and ages-old hostilities are prepeturated over the generations.
Davey Crockett would rather be dead than live in that world, and for a while, he was, until I brought him back to life with
Sir Charles' toy. I will not blame him at all if he doesn't want to return to his home planet..."
LUN: Oh, come
SAR: Stop letting the girl say YOUR crud, David!
"The feeling is mutual, Daddy.
Why would they make you answer for your ancestor's sins, Davey? I's just not fair."
LUN: Anyone would
want atonement if they read these stories.
"Yeah, if I want equality between different
species, I wouldn't go and shoot off someone's limbs--"
"DO WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW?!?!?!?!"
NO! WE DON'T!!
"Sorry, Sasha." "My, Sasha, that psionic backlash must've spooked you,
QUA: Oh, boy. He's just making up words now.
LUN: No...psionic means it's telepathic.
WHAT IN BLAZES DOES TELEPATHY HAVE TO DO WITH SONIC THE HEDGEHOG?!
"Like you wouldn't
know," she sobbed as she hung her head over her patient. "You wouldn't know how much pain that tragedy causes him." Tears
ran down her eyes. "You wouldn't know how much it will return to haunt him..."
QUA: Just like this story's oging
to haunt US.
"Aw, Davey," Sonia cried as she huddled by her new-found friend. "Why did
they, whoever they are, do this to you? Are you doomed to become someone like Robotnik?"
felt a cold nose press up against her hot cheek. She opened her eyes to find Davey slurping her tears off with his tongue."
"Will you look at that? Davey, you're too much."
"He's supposed t' be th' one who's cryin', and here he is, drying our eyes. Ah tell you, Sally, this guy's a prince."
Sasha gave Davey something that resembled Alka-Seltzer
for his stomach
LUN: It later turned out to be a cyanide tablet.
QUA: THAT would make ME feel better.
let him rest for a couple hours. After the nap, he found Sally still has Nicole connected to his arm by a wire housed under
his wrist. Davey calls it his "Data Spear," because it reminds him of Scorpion's projectile in 'Mortal Kombat.'
Wow. Thank you for that utterly useless tidbit of information.
CYBORG PRIME DIRECTIVES:
1) DELIVER MESSAGE TO PRINCESS SALLY
2) ASSIST FREEDOM FIGHTERS
3) DESTROY ROBOTNIK BY WHATEVER MEANS DEEMED NECESSARY
QUA: 4) NOT PEE YOURSELF IN FEAR WHILE READING THIS STORY
"I like that fourth one, Nicole. Continue."
SAR: Which one?
BIOCHIP GENERATES A HEADS-UP DISPLAY DIRECTLY GRAFTED IN HIS EYES,
WHICH GIVES THEM THEIR
RED COLOR AND OCCASIONAL GLOW...EXCUSE ME, SALLY, BUT I BELIEVE THAT MR. CROCKETT IS "BACK ON-LINE," SHOULD I SAY.
He's awake, and he's on the computer again.
QUA: That means he can write more stories! HIT HIM!
"'Back on-line?' But what...<Sally looks up and finds Davey awake> Oh! Hi, there. Don't mind me..."
"Surfing my forearm, Princess?"
Sally giggles, half out of embarrassment and half out of Davey's
SAR: [Sally] Ha! You still talk like that?!
She'd never expect someone who wasn't 100%
roboticized to talk that way, but she figured that they always talked like that on his planet. "I'm just trying to figure
out what your arm can do, other than act like a built-in Nicole, that is."
"Humm. I wonder
if your father bothered to give me some docs for this thing."
LUN: NERD TALK IN THE STORY!
EXCUSE ME, MR. CROCKETT, BUT I'VE DETECTED A COMPLETE SET OF USER HELP FILES ARCHIVED IN YOUR HARD DRIVE. DECOMPRESSING THEM
SHOULD TRANSFER THEM DIRECTLY INTO YOUR BRAIN.
SAR: [Singing] Those mennnn insiiiide my braiiin...
"Thanks, Nicole. If you'd excuse me...<Davey's eyes glowed for a moment. Sally commented on getting him some colored contacts
for cosmetic purposes>...O.K. I've got them...Hardware Compression and camouflage, eh? Let's give that a try..."
Davey's left arm began to collapse on itself, starting from the shoulder and down
to the wrist, synthetic fur appeared in much the same manner. It appeared more like a fox left arm after it was done with
itself. "Ah do declare," Bunnie said as she saw this, "Ah should talk to Rotor about an upgrade."
QUA: Thus implying
that David's getting better things than the actual Sonic characters.
"I can transfer
the parameter settings to his Roboticizer, if you want. They're supposed to convert anything roboticized into this model."
"It looks and feels much like a robot duplicate model I encountered about 6 months ago when training new recruits. It's almost
like you've got your old arm back. Ohh, I forgot. I ran out of disks a while back. I should've got some while I was in Robotroplis.
Oh, well. Another item in the Minoc Grove shopping list."
LUN: What's Minoc Grove?
Sally meets Davey's eyes. "Are you going to be all right, Dave?"
"Why, sure, Sally. Just let me
get some coffee and I'll be up and running in no time."
SAR: [Singing] III'm having a coffeeee...
"It's not that at all! I mean...are you going to be...all right? You've been through
a lot before coming here, more than any of us want to know. It'll probably take your whole life to heal ..."
Davey shushed his Princess with a finger to her lips. "I'll be alright, Sally. <Winks> Trust me."
"A good cup of coffee and you're up and running, eh Davey?" Said Bear, a brown
fox with a weird name (According to Davey, anyway, but he kept it to himself), "Join the club."
SAR: This is Club
"Thanks, er, Bear." As Davey sat down next to Bear, he looked into those blue eyes
of his. There were deep, almost ageless. They showed a lot more age than what the rest of him shows. Davey had the impression
that there is a lot more of this Bear than meets the eye.
QUA: [Sputtering] YEEEEEEEERR....
LUN: I'll be damned
if this isn't the start of a demented yaoi.
"Antoine De'Collete's the best coffee maker on Mobius,"
LUN: No, I thought he was the best coward on Mobius.
Bear continued. "Hey, Frenchie! Anytime today?"
SAR: [Singing] O Frenchie! O Frenchie! You won me over
with your bra-ver-ee...
"Merci, I just want to give Misu Crockett zometheeng nice to
welcome heem by, eef zat's all right with you, mon ami?"
"Something nice, Ant? What did
I do t' deserve this honor?"
LUN: [Makes gun click noise] Yyyyep.
came out with a couple mugs.
QUA: [Antoine] Get zem, boys!
"Eet is like zis, David. You fulfilled your
zolumn duty as a royal messenger. I always hold members of ze royal court of Acorn in high regard. Zis of course means you."
"Hey, a house latte! Thanks Ant."
LUN: Little did he know, Antoine had urinated in
"Dey have ze latte where you come from, mon ami?"
Yeah, but they only had SALIVA in 'em! -sip- WHOA!
"Have 'em? Heck, I can make 'em. I
used to have a small coffee shop in my old apartment."
SAR: [David] I had to mix the saliva MYSELF!
By the time Davey's done with the latte, other freedom fighters arrived to get to know him better. Some of them already do.
"Hi, Sasha. You feeling better? That flashback gave you quite a fright." "I'm okay now, Davey. Thank you for being concerned."
Other critters are new to him, like Vixie Lamenta and Mighty Fox.
QUA: [David] Who the hell are YOU?
Ain't your left arm supposed to be roboticized?"
"It is. I just shifted it into compact mode and
switched on the hologram. See?" Davey set his arm down and allowed the forearm control panel to show through.
[Falsetto] Cover your shame!
"My oh my, talk about state of the art. Bunnie's gonna be
"She is. Good thing I plan to set Roboticizers to this model. It takes power from my
own body heat, is practically non-polluting, and in every manner, looks and feels just like a real arm."
hands together] Sweetening the facts, no?
"Whoa. Wait until Sir Charles catches wind
SAR: [Makes raspberry noise with mouth]
Vixie turns to Mighty, and whispers to him. "So, Mighty,
are you gonna tell him?"
"Tell him what?"
"You know! <elbows Mighty>
That you were a human once, like he was. Maybe Dave would feel better if he know that there's another one like him."
"I'll tell him later." Mighty did so on a shooting range. He shot
at a tin can with a BB gun--a childhood memory--as he told Davey about becoming a fox to rid himself of the curse of being
in the same species as Robotnik. He figured Davey went the same route.
QUA: Anyone know what the hell is going
"I have never met Blubber Butt," Davey said as he fired--BRRRRRRAAAAPPP!-
Cover your mouth, you idiot!
-with a mechanized assult pistol, "the curse that bit me was <switches to a shot
gun--CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!> Political Correctness,
SAR: Oh gee. All your suffering is because you can't blast
racial ephithets around other people.
and my change of species <switches to revolver--POW! POW!...POW!>
was purely by the fluke of a power ring. But by every other reason...<he stops firing, switches on the safty, and sets
the revolver down> you're not that far off, Mighty."
QUA: [David] You'll turn out like ME.
Mighty and Davey checked
their targets. Mighty was only shooting for fun, so the oil can looked like swiss cheese. Davey's steel Swat-Bot target, on
the other hand, was missing it's head, arms, legs, chest, and whatever counted as its private parts. "Daaaaaamn. What to you
do, sleep with those things under your pillow?"
LUN: I believe this story is called "SONIC The HEDGEHOG, Blood
"Well, I don't know any martial arts yet, although I'll probably pick one
up while I'm here. Until then I have to stick to these guns."
"Guns? You call them guns?
Dave, you've joined the Freedom Fighters, not the Ozark Malitia!"
"Mighty, you should know this
as much as I do. There is no such thing as the ATF on Mobius."
QUA: As much as I like shooting things, I couldn't
care less about a fursuiter's obsession.
"Hey, Mighty," Sonia shouted from outside. "Sasha
SAR: [Singing] I'll be there for youuuu...
"Excuse me, my appointment
with Doctor Prower awaits" Mighty walked out as Sonia walked in. "Hello, Davey. Oh my gosh, look at that target! You've
shot everything out of it. Not only is that Swat dead, it's going to be singing soprano for the next week!"
"Just relieving some angst, Suni." Davey notices by her red cheeks that
she's been crying. "Suni, dear, what's wrong?"
"It's just...<sniff>...that stupid
mudball of a planet...<sob>...y-y-you come from..." she collapsed into his arms and wailed. "W-why? How could they do
this to you?" She looks at his left arm. "You're such a nice guy...<sob>"
LUN: He's got
girls falling left and right!
"It's okay, child." Davey licks her face for tears again.
"I'm here now. I'm alive. That's all that matters." Just as he said that, his mind's eye flashed back to that dank, dark alley,
and those eyes filled with sparking rage, that heart, black as the skin color of the chest it was housed in,
LUN: You love doing that, don't you.
QUA: Oh yeah.
the killer bullet screaming out
for his innocent blood. Davey Crockett would find his loss easier to stomach if it weren't for the politics involved. "I'm
still healing after Piasa, my dear. <He gives her a kiss.> Let's not talk about it right now."
we go "AW", pick this apart or scream?
LUN: How about the last two?
looks at his eyes> Hey, wanna have a picnic? I know this great place."
Thus killing the romance.
LUN: Look, if he made it any longer, the story would have been longer.
SAR: Oh. Right.
As Sonya led Davey to her private lagoon, she asked him about 'Piasa.'
QUA: [David] It's a circular piece of baked dough...that you eat...
"Shortly before I came to your world, I was hunting down this local legendary monster known as The Piasa Bird. It was
the ugliest overglorified canary you'll ever see. He popped up a hologram of it to prove his point: It was a jaguar with wings
and a tail that can do three laps around the body. "Had to use a super-powered sawed-off shotgun to take that thing out! And
that's with illegal ammo and an over 800 meter drop!"
SAR: I heard there was a Mrs. Piasa, David's old teacher,
who didn't agree with his white supremacy.
LUN: And he's putting revenge on an innocent person in a crappy fiction. Nothing
out of the ordinary.
"Oh, Davey, you're so brave.
You think you'd join those Power
Rangers you were talking about last night. That is, if you remained in your world, which I'm glad you're not, by the way."
QUA: [David] Hyuk!
LUN: He's got a girl clinging to him and all he says is "I dunno"?!
Lunar, why are you so uptight about this?
LUN: Gah--he--WELL, LOOK AT ALL THE GIRLS HE'S GOT! WE dock our ship at the interport
and I get NOBODY!
QUA: Well, maybe if you CALLED OFF THOSE SECURITY GUARDS...
LUN: Then I'm an open target
for the assasins!
SAR: He's mad because he thinks Celeste doesn't like him.
They arrived at a picture-perfect lagoon under a waterfall. "How'd you like my little niche in the world, Davey? The flowers,
the water, the trees..."
QUA: The idiot...
"Nice place you got here, Suni."
"...the skyline of Robotropolis just down that hill..."
LUN: What's that smell in the air? Is it the flowers? Is
it the love in the air? NO, it's the overwhelming pollution!
"Oh, just put that in the
long-as-my-Data-Spear list of reasons to kick Snively's ass."
QUA: Well. Good thing we got the kids out of the
LUN: "Long-as-his-what"? Is that an innuendo to the human's pe-
SAR: LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA I-AM-NOT-LIS-TEN-ING!
"<Suni giggles> Ha-Ha, that's a good one, Dear." They sit down
on a grassy spot. "Okay, what would you have?" She removes her bow and lets her red Pocahontas-length hair fall.
That entire sentence portays women in a negative light.
"I dunno, what
you've got." He opens the empty basket.
"Davey, have you forgotten, I use magic! What's
your favorite dish? Anything."
QUA: [David] Mmm! This milkshake tastes like DUST!
"Well, my favorite food's Mexican...let's make it a chili dog burrito, so we both can enjoy it."
QUA: Sure, they'll
both enjoy it. He gets to eat, and she gets to sm--
SAR: NO, QUACKER! Don't sink to his level!!
"Okay," she waves her hands, and with a spark, a chili dog burrito appeared.
"Thanks, Suni," Davey
said as he took a bite. "Yummy."
"Ulm, if it's alright with you, I'm feeling like Italian today."
[Mario] What-a hell-a are you a-saying?
Suni created a bowl of spaghetti.
SAR: [Makes raspberry noise
LUN: The harder I think about this, the grosser it gets.
Davey looked a little surprised. He thought
that the Mobian Hedgehog's diet is predominantly chili dogs. "Besides, I'd like to show you what my cyborg parts can do."
She rolled up the fur over her arm, and punched on the control panel underneath. Her
index finger morphed into a shaker cheese shaker."
Davey said as he opened up one of the secret compartments in his robot arm. "What's that." "Oh, this is a packet of Taco Bell
hot sauce. I have the recipe in my hard drive."
"What's a Taco Bell?" "It's a Mexican
Restaurant in my home planet. I go there a lot; it'll be one of the things I'll miss from my home."
Gee, I'll miss that intestinal virus!
After emptying the packet, he looked for a place to pitch it. "That's what
the basket's for, darling."
QUA: [Makes fake vomiting noise]
Suni opened up the basket for Davey to
toss the packet in, eyeing Davey's burrito.
LUN: Is that a sex joke?
Suni, how'd you become a 'borg?' Let me guess, Ro-Butt-Nik?"
"No, I got my cyborg parts from this
android named Packbell." "Never heard of him." "He used to work for Robotnik, but now he's probably Snively's right hand droid.
He has his own agenda, though. He want's to take over Robotroplis for himself. Excuse me, but that chili dog looks delicious!"
Davey chuckled at first, but was surprised again at how easy Suni turned a bowl of spaghetti into another chili dog burrito.
"Wow, wish I had that undo command!"
SAR: Isn't it sad that this story makes so little sense that we can't even
"You know, hon, between you, me, Bunni, and Uncle Chuck, we can be pretty cool
cyborgs." "You think so? Maybe we should team up together." "All four of us?" "Yeah, imagine us going up to Snively
and say <in a monotone voice> 'PREPARE TO BE ASSIMILATED. RESISTANCE WILL BE FUTILE.'" The duo giggled.
[Shudders] Good thing the kids aren't here.
ROB: [Leans in] Yes we are. Skipper, A.M.I. and I are still in the green room.
Then go away - there's nothing you'd even remotely want to read.
"Aw, no," Tails
can be heard from a distance, "Borg humor."
QUA: At least we've got Tails on our side!
later, he was tackled by a pink enchida from behind. Suni said that her name was Chuckles, Knuckles' kid sister.
SAR: Nowadays, Chuckles would contradict the entire Sonic series.
"I've heard of him. Do you know where he's at?" "Probably still at the floating island, for all I know, Sonic can tell
you more, but there's some bad blood between the two."
QUA: [Sonic] -sip- Knux, this blood--
LUN: Do. Not. Finish.
Suni changed the subject and got up close. "Y'now, Dave, I've been talking to Vixie, and we here wondering why humans-turned-foxes
are so darned cute?" "I dunno, give us a built-in fur coat and a tail, and we become studs, I guess."
LUN: I don't
like where this is going...
She began to open up Davey's shirt and snuggle into his furry chest. She confessed to him that she's drawn to Foxes and
QUA: [Rereading] We should warn Dean about this Sonia.
but she was a bit worried
about the age difference: She's a teen, while he's in his twenties.
However, Davey said
that he's not the kind of guy who'd take advantage of a girlfriend sexually, especially one who can be classified as a minor
in his world.
SAR: Which is probably the best thing we've read all morning.
That made her feel safe
to trust him, and maybe she can get close for a little while. "You know, Davey, you can be just a sweet and lovable teddy
fox at times," she said as they looked gray eye to red eye. "Part of my charm," he said as they touched noses....
Turn it off! DON'T MAKE ME WATCH THE PORRRN!
"Aw, crud," Suni pouted. That was an alarm from built-in pagers both Davey and Sonia have installed in their cyborg parts.
Quite possibly, that was Sally calling everyone in for a meeting.
"I swear, between her timing
and her father's aim....<Taps on his control panel and activates the cellular phone> Talk to me, Sal."
"I hate to break you two lovebirds up, but I'm assembling a meeting about that CD of Davey's, and to plan our next mission..."
[Sally] I just checked that CD of yours...dammit, 254 files of fox-woman porno?!
Zone Three--Act Three:
"The walking care package that Daddy gave me just seems to keep on giving.
LUN: You mean like on the Simpsons,
where Homer's box had the Osaka Flu in it and everybody got sick?
He's thrown in several computer programs from
Davey's world that started to help us out the moment we installed them. Look at the stuff I've added to Nicole...
[Sally] She can brew coffee, run an Ad-Aware Scan and detect nearby villains! -beep- OHMIGAWD EVERYBODY! GET DAVEY!
<She calls up the hologram>
"Stacker takes existing hard drives and increases their size
by more than double. This will really give us more storage space for our little friends...Windows is a graphic based
operating system that's so easy, even Amy Rose can be computer literate in no time. What used to be a complicated list of
commands is now a simple click on to a small graphic called an icon...WordPerfect is, by far, the best word processing computer
program I have ever used. It does everything except stuff your letters into the envelopes and mails them itself..."
Oh, boy. yet another unneccesary paragraph of information. Suddenly, Robotnik was shown in
a cave, having his spare tire blown to hell by a missile.
LUN: Why would a semi-robotic man need a tire?
collapses into his own pool of blood and guts.
QUA: WHY is this in the story, anyway?!
of the villagers gasped at the sight, others cheered. "Alright, Sally! I haven't been here one week, and already, I caught
someone playing ROTT!!!"
LUN: "Rott"? like my BRAIN reading this story?
"Man, that was cool, a little
gross, but cool." Sally giggled nervously. "How the heck did that program got in there."
SAR: [Sally] Da-VIIIID!
"SIMPLE SALLY, YOU INSTALLED IT IN. I DID WARN YOU ABOUT THE MA-17 RATING."
"yeah, right..." "You
like that game, Sal, and you know it."
SAR: Wrong! Davien showed me his Sonic DVDs, and Sally is a nice girl! She
wouldn't play a killing game, even with Robotnik in it!
QUA: Aye, Sarah, but don't forget...Gonterman's writing this.
eyes were saying 'no,' but that numb thumb of yours was saying 'Yes!'" "rub it in you guys...A-ha! This is the one I was looking
for; the schematic drawing for the process Davey was half-roboticized in. Oh, I found a disk for you to transfer those parameters
"Okay, Sal." Davey said as he slipped the disk into his forearm disk drive."
Yo, who's talking here?
"I beg your pardon, my preencess, but what ess all theese talking
about Daveed's robot arm?"
QUA: What ees up weeth your feetish of thee leetter E? Eee e ee?
Sally went up to Davey to retrieve the disk. "Because this robot arm is more advanced than anything found on Mobius, Antoine.
This design my father used is almost indistinguishable from a real living arm, especially in this compact mode and with the
hologram on. You'll actually feel fox fur; it's even warm to the touch; and...<she stopped in surprise, then softened her
voice>...a pulse...I feel a pulse...Nothing roboticized should have a pulse..." Everybody gasped in astonishment. "Are
you askeeng moi that that arm's alive?" "If this' not a cure, it's certainly the next best thing." "Man, wait til Uncle Chuck
hears about this!" "Hold on for a moment, Sonic. We don't know if we can pull this off first. Tests need to be made."
SAR: What the HECK?
LUN: My eyes hurt...
"I want my Uncle Chuck to be
the first one treated, Sal. He was the first one roboticized, it's only fair."
"Okay, Okay. After
the test, we'll do Charles first."QUA: Do Charles...? Damn, it's "A Time of Honesty" all over again!
Sally then turned to the audience. "Besides, we've got other things
to do: Mr. Crockett, of course, needs a place of his own to live in. We have a good number of volunteers to do the building
"I want to help 'em out, Sally. It's going to he my home after all."
"Not right now, Davey. I need you for a courier run. I need you to go to Minoc Grove to get some supplies. I'd go there myself,
but I'm kinda buzy tonight."
"Sure thing, ma'am."QUA: Yeth dee-ur. Evureethung fer
"An' I'll tag along t' show ya the ropes."
Sonic?SAR: THAT was Sonic?! He sounds like Bunnie!
That ain't your style. You're the kind that likes
to lose trailers in the dust."
"Not with that bike Rotor's working on, Big Daddy."
But first, Davey had to link up with Nicole to get a shopping list for the Minoc Grove errand run. It includes two pictures
of critters that needed to be picked up. "THE CAT IS MELANIE, A MARTIAL ARTIST AND A PREVIOUS FREEDOM FIGHTER. SHE IS ANTOINE'S
GIRLFRIEND, AND HE WENT ON AHEAD TO MINOC GROVE EARLIER TO MEET HER. THE CHAMELEON IS CLEO. SHE'S MELANIE'S YOUNG WARD. TAILS
KNOWS HER WELL, THEY USED TO DATE."QUA: What?!
"Tails? I thought he was with
Amy Rose."SAR: [Singing] Two-timin' man...
"AND CLEO, AND CHUCKLES, AND NINA,
AND EVEN A ROBOTIC DUPLICATE THAT RESEMBLES AN 8-YEAR-OLD VIXIE...OH, SONIC AND TAILS HAVE JUST ARRIVED."
"Hey, Tails, you Heartbreak Kid, how's life."
"Uh-Oh, Big Guy. Davey's found out about your love
"Aw, no." Tails hid his head under his arms.SAR: This is entirely unlike Tails
to have multiple "girlfriends".
Sally came by with a bag of Mobians. Apparently, they
used the 'coins only' monetary system, as it appeared heavy when she tossed it to Davey. "A little something to get something
for yourself while you're there, Dave. Consider it as your salary. Just don't spend it all in one place, okay?"LUN:
He comes out of nowhere, and within a day they give him a house, girls AND money?!
it include Psycho Pay, Sal?"QUA: [David] 'Cause AH QUALIFY! GAHYUK!
"Oh, Sonic...Rotor's done with your hoverbike, you can pick it up."
You've worked all night."
"Yeah. Tinkering's a hobby for me. I just can't sleep at night without
messing around with anything mechanical.SAR: Messing...around?
QUA: We can't read ONE Gonterman story without
hearing about roboid orgies!
I've covered all the outside surfaces with solar cells to reduce fuel consumption,
and added 50 horsepower to the engine. I've installed a force field at the nose to act like a front bumper."LUN:
There's a nose on the bumper?
QA: [That guy from the Nyquill ad] Ah, my achin' schnozz!
"You're an artist in your field, Bub." Davey hopped on the bike. "Your Data Spear acts as the bike's starter key, and you
can control it through your interface." The Data Spear appeared from its hiding place under Davey's left wrist, and snaked
its way into place. The twin 'tire' blowers sprang into life,QUA: WHAT blowers?
SAR: [Singing] I-am-not-lis-ten-ing...
air straight down. The hydraulic twin stands that held the bike up lifted up and snapped into place. Davey found the clutch
pedal, and the turbine in the back produced a little forward trust, just enough to take itself out of Rotor's garage. Sonic
and Tails saw him appear. "Wow!" "Davey Crockett! Big Daddy! Jucin' it up on a hog of his own!!"QUA: MAKE IT STOP!
revved in place. Davey squeezed the throttle. Both produces copious amounts of dirt as they staged in front of an imaginary
drag strip 'Christmas Tree.' LUN: I'm out of snippy lines.
The roar became deafening. An orange glow
growled from behind both of them.
And then all three of them simply vanished, leaving behind a
thunderclap as air rushed to fill the space that their bodies once occupied.SAR: I think they just exploded. [Silence]
End of Issue Two. Not bad for 'slow time,' if I may say.
It heats up in the next
zone, where Snively notices that the new freedom fighter's got a new fur coat, and while in Minoc Grove,ALL: WHAT
the HECK is MINOC GROVE?!
Davey Crockett meets the Super Sonic Special Search and Smash Squad.......See you then.......LUN:
...See you on the island...
Special thanks to my first fan, [[[Sonia da Hedgehog]]] (Sonia da H@aol.com
), whom I met over AOL and became good friends. Only problem is, she's in her early teens, while I'm in my mid-20s......oh,
what the heck. Sonic has his Tails.....LUN: Indeed, and this has resulted in creepy yaoi creations. [The others
stare] What?! Tracey wanted reference pictures, so I searched "Sonic & Tails heads" and saw awful things.
to get "STH: Blood and Metal"LUN: Your local dumpster?
QUA: The ship docking bay from where I got that bad
take-out that made my feathers molt early?
The official place to Download it is American On-Line,
in the Toon Talk message board. Directions: Keyword 'Cartoons,' then go 'More...,' then 'Toon Talk.'SAR:
You can also get the story from the Word Wide Web, for you more serious net surfers.QUA: Also available in
The address is http://rat.org
, then go to the 'Sonic The Hedgehog' fandom page, Brookshire's page, Sonic Fan Material, then Stories....I think, I could
be wrong here, I'm trying to trace my steps from memory.
Also Coming Soon.....SAR: Massive cranial damage!
and de Fox," A story of budding romance between Sonia and Davey. Can love stretch across two species, two worlds and over
ten years in age difference?QUA: NO.
And get your mind out of the gutter if you're thinking what I'm
thinking;LUN: I think I know what he means...
LUN: He's telling us to not think filthy thoughts,
all the while HE is thinking filthy thoughts.
SAR: Oh. [Pauses] Oh.
this is not a Calvin Kline commercial!!!!QUA:
But it is over punctuated!!!!!!!!!
SAR: Those look disgusting in big numbers.
LUN: Please don't do that again...
Hey, I'm only copying HIM.
"Blood and Metal I: The Deluxe Edition." If you don't have Netscape yet, this will
be a good time to get a copy, because this story is destined to become an on-line HTML with full-colored illustrations from
the author. It'll be coming from http://rat.org
!LUN: Sick thing is, Rat.org crashed in 1997, losing everything related to it.
QUA: Crap! I was thinkin' of
hunting down some rare Gonter-pictures and making fun of them!
Also be on the look out for a FoxFire Studio Newsletter,
with information on other FoxFire products, including stuff on the up-and-coming WWW Page!QUA: Yes, kids! Be on
the lookout, so keep those weapons handy!
LUN: Well, looks like we've run out of story.
SAR: Maybe we should go check
if the next chapter's kidproof.
LUN: And that we will! Have a good night, readers!
QUA: Who the blazes are you talking
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