MiST: "The Factory"
Character Bios
Fan Works

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

The First Self-MiSTing

The following was written using three of my own characters, Skipper, Celeste Cat, and Jack. They will be making fun of an extremely old fan-work of mine, “The Factory”. The original will be in italics. Me personally reading the story is let-alone an embarrassing experience, but having my own characters mock it may make it better. Or significantly worse. Enjoy.


[Skipper, Celeste and Jack sit around the studio, each reading or watching television]

SKIP: I’m bored.

JACK: You think you need to inform the reader of this?

CELESTE: I’ve got an idea. I was able to hack into the old script files, and I found a strange story you’d probably like to see.

JACK: Listen, I’ve read her unfinished Jon & Mary sto-


CELESTE: Ignore him. I’ve gotten it loaded up, but I’ll warn you; it’s pretty tame. VERY tame.

JACK: Therefore, ‘tame’ rhymes with ‘lame’.

SKIP: You mean, it’s not as violent as my ‘warehouse scene’?

JACK: His what?

CELESTE: You won’t know, since his life only existed as a comic book in your dimension. All right, here it is. Feel free to mock it:


The factory

JACK: The Land of No Capitalization

Gosalyn and Honker had been walking home from the park after a game of baseball.

“Gee, Honk, you really should practice your swinging.’ Gosalyn remarked.

“Well, it isn’t my fault you throw really fast curve-balls’ Honker replied.

Suddenly a roaring noise came buzzing out of nowhere, and Honker looked behind him.

JACK: How does a roaring noise ‘buzz’?? Thank God none of this happened in my stories.

SKIP: Some of your oldest ones do. Trust me.

His brother Tank was on a bicycle headed directly at him. Honker screamed and ducked, yet the bike’s front wheel stopped only in front of Honker.

CELESTE: Then Tank released the brake.

“Don’t do that!! You almost ran me over!” Honker yelled at his brother, still in shock.

“I’ll run over who I want to run over,” said Tank. Then he looked toward Avian Way, the street where they all lived, and something caught his eye.

JACK: It then proceeded to bounce it like a super ball.

“What the heck is that wreck? It came outta nowhere!” He pointed towards the sky.

Gosalyn and Honker immediately scanned the area and saw a tall tower with 8 smokestacks.

SKIP: How the tower isn’t falling over with that many smokestacks is the real question.

“What’s that?? And how’d it get here so fast?”

“It appears to be a factory of some sort.” Honker told them. “We should all get home quickly!” And the three kids raced home, with Tank using this as a chance to near run-over his brother again.

JACK: Yeeeaaa…I think we’re all out of bike jokes, aren’t we.

They arrived, just in time to see Drake Mallard arguing in the street with a man in a hard hat.

CELESTE: As opposed to a man in a soft hat.

“Sir, I REFUSE that this wreck is built near my house!!”

“Gee, sorry pops, but I gotta follow the order.” Said the foreman.

JACK: [Foreman] Besides, your house is the REAL wreck.

“Dad!! You won’t believe it, there’s a tower near our- Oh.” Gosalyn looked towards the once-empty lot near Avian Way. The tower was there, in all its mysterious glory.

Honker tugged on Drake’s sleeve. “Mr. Mallard, what’s the big factory for? It doesn’t seem to have any signs indicating the building’s purpose.”

SKIP: Maybe that big one that says ‘McDONALD’S COOKING PLANT’ will answer your question.

“Honker, it’s a factory that processes deep-fryer oil.” Drake said, still sounding quite angry. Then he resumed his shouting at the foreman.

SKIP: HA! I KNEW McDonald’s had something to do with this!!

“Honker! What’s in that place?” Gosalyn raced over. Tank followed, still looking at the tower.

CELESTE: But…I thought Gosalyn and Tank already got there! Was Tank attempting to kill Gosalyn off screen or something??

 He made no effort to run over his brother.

“You wouldn’t believe it. A total waste of resources for a bad cause. It’s-it’s A FRYING OIL FACTORY!!” Honker exclaimed.


Tank didn’t quite understand what was to make in the building. “Fries? Mmm.”

“No, Tank. No the fries, the oil they put fries in. It’s seriously unhealthy.”

“Ew.’ Tank finally got the point and cringed.

CELESTE: They then discovered that the entire story was anti-McDonald’s propaganda.

They were interrupted by the foreman.

“Hey kids! Want to take a tour of our get new factory?” asked the foreman with the stupid tone in his voice that some adults use to talk to children.

SKIP: Stupid tone? Oh, I get that a lot from adults.

“Not for all the stolen bikes on earth, chrome dome.” Tank snarled. He and Honker went back to their house.

“You are NOT building that giant grease trap behind my house! You’re promoting the eating of unhealthy processed food! Couldn’t you turn the lot into a

JACK: Duck cooking & breeding farm?

 baseball park??” Drake yelled at the foreman.

“Yeah, Mr. hardhat! You could turn the empty lot into a baseball park! We wouldn’t have to walk 6 blocks just to play baseball!” Gosalyn exclaimed. The wonderful idea of having a baseball park behind her house filled her mind.

SKIP: And oozed out of her beak and ears.

“Sorry, little girl, but we need to fulfill this order or I get fired.” The foreman said without batting an eyelid.

As the man went back to the building, Gosalyn was miserable and Drake was fuming.

CELESTE: Wait –the duck girl’s miserable because she just has to walk a few blocks to play baseball?

JACK: And Drake is fuming? Just turn him over and cook the other half! Ahahaha- aw man, Dr. Byrd’s going to kill me.

 “I can’t believe it! I just can’t believe it! A processing factory- behind our own house! Couldn’t they turn it into something good, like a medical clinic or a video store?” Drake complained to himself while pacing.

JACK: For the love of God, shut up, Drake.

“I think you’ve made your point, dad.” Gosalyn said sadly. She had been so sure a new baseball park would be built, but now it was a stupid building.

SKIP: Tell that to the Empire State Building.

In the Muddlefoot house, Binkie turned in time to see Tank walking out of the kitchen towards the back door with a carton of eggs.

JACK: He took them out back and sat on his young, waiting for them to hatch.

“Tank, what are you doing with a dozen eggs?” Binkie asked, aware it involved mischief.

“Uh, making an omelette?” Tank said quickly.

“Outside, in the backyard at 10:15 at night?

SKIP: MMM, dirt omelettes!

 Uh huh. Give me the carton, Tank” Binkie held out her hand for the carton.

“All right! Fine. I was gonna egg that factory.” Tank grumbled as he gave his mother the carton.

“I know you’re outraged they’d build a fryer oil processing factory in a domestic area, but this is no excuse to waste a carton of eggs.” Binkie told her son as he put away the eggs.

“Actually, ma, I just wanted to egg it.”

CELESTE: That was quite obvious, Tank.

On the top floor of the tower, one voice echoed through the room.

“HAHAHAHAHAHA!! A perfect hideout!” the voice boomed. “I am able to watch over all of St. Canard, and no one will come in because it’s disguised as a disgusting old processing plant! I AM THE SMARTEST VILLAIN EVER!”

JACK: Sir, not even Birdbrain’s dumb enough to build a hideout behind Darkwing Duck’s house and scream out the windows,

“SHUT UP, YOU MORON! IT’S 10:18! GO TO SLEEP!” Someone shouted outside.

CELESTE: Ay-men.

“Darn it. Should have gotten soundproofing.” The voice grumbled. “Now! To invite all the goons, villains and thugs in town and form a secret organization!”

SKIP: Why is he yelling at himself? Even Xavier never did that.

“Hasn’t that happened already??” Yelled the person outside. “There’s a group called FOWL, and they-OW!”

The voice in the tower replied, “Thanks, anonymous person! Sorry I had to drop a brick on you!”

JACK: I think our creator should say sorry for writing this.                           CELESTE: It wasn’t her fault. She was stuck in a frightening sequence of life where her mind was gripped on a television program.

 In the Fearsome Five’s hideout [which was a warehouse and a heck of a lot better than a fake factory] the phone rang. Bushroot got to the phone first.

“This is the Fears-oh I mean, Clark’s Warehouse.” Bushroot said over the phone.

JACK: This is the police- we mean, Wal-Mart.

“All of you come to the fryer oil factory at 11:35.” Click. Phone went dead.

SKIP: A shot rang. The maid screamed. A crash went.

“Maybe it’s a police ambush.” Bushroot said to himself.

Quackerjack jumped up behind him. “Who was on the phone??”

Bushroot screamed.

“Calm down! It’s only me.

SKIP: A large, talking duck in a jester costume with giant teeth.

            Who was that on the phone?” Quackerjack asked.

“Some person wants everyone to come to the fryer oil factory, wherever that is. I think it’s a police ambush, so everybody should stay here, so-” Bushroot babbled quickly, hoping he wouldn’t have to go to some creepy factory.

CELESTE: Wait, who’s narrating this story again?

Quackerjack yelled over his shoulder. ‘HEY, SPARKY!”

“SHUT UP!’ Megavolt yelled back.



Oh boy. Sounds like fun, Bushroot thought.

JACK: You’re telling me.

 The Fearsome Five waited outside the factory, which was fairly creepy. It was several stories tall, with 8 smokestacks billowing exhaust. There was a splattered egg on the wall.

SKIP: I thought Binkie took away the eggs.

CELESTE: So did I.

The Liquidator knocked again on the door. No one there.

“That’s it. I’m going home. I’m wasting a perfectly good Friday night

CELESTE: Well, there’s not much that a mutant, electric rat can do socially.

outside a stupid oil factory that can easily go up in flames.” Megavolt snarled out loud.

Negaduck looked up. “Huh? Up in flames?’

JACK: Just like this story.

“Oh, sure. Deep fryer oil is easily set on fire. That’s why the McDonalds on 22nd street blew up. The cook dropped his cigarette in the fryer.”

SKIP: HA! Another McDonald’s reference!

Negaduck thought all about that. “Easily flammable.” He rubbed his hands together. “Sweet. Good thing I brought my matches.”

JACK: When in hell does Negaduck say ‘sweet’?

CELESTE: When it was October 18, 2005.

The door suddenly opened up and pulled them all inside. The inside of the factory was dark, but no sounds of machinery.

Bushroot was horrified. “Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. This is a police ambush. I hope I don’t get death penalty. Oh please, don’t make me-OW! HEY!”

JACK: That was when the sounds of machinery came on.

“Sorry. But it was for your own good.” Quackerjack said to him, after smacking him in the face.

“Greetings, fellow evildoers!!” an unfamiliar voice chirped.

SKIP: They turned to see Canary Man standing behind them.

Megavolt, Quackerjack and Bushroot screamed.

“You probably don’t know who I am. I am new to St. Canard.” The voice ranted.

“I get the freaking point! Who the heck are you??” Negaduck shouted.

CELESTE: Huh? ‘Freaking’ and ‘heck’ aren’t exactly what Negaduck would say with the censors not looking.

“I am…” the voice said, just before turning on the light.

Everybody but Negaduck gawked at the person. Four of the Fearsome Five ran screaming outside into the night.

JACK: I’m going to bet it was Tom Cruise.

In the Mallard house, Darkwing was about to leave the house.

CELESTE: Ooh, like THAT’S not conspicuous.

“Gosalyn, there’s voices coming out of the factory. I’m checking to see what’s going on. Normally Launchpad would baby-sit, but he’s at a pilot’s convention.

JACK: Actually, he’s been edited out as to not waste time on another character’s dialogue.

DO NOT leave the house unless it’s an emergency.”

“Alright, Dad. No leaving unless the house explodes.” Gosalyn saluted.

 Darkwing groaned, then went outside. He stopped dead in his tracks.

JACK: Because Negaduck happened to introduce him to ‘Mr. Blasty’.

Quackerjack, Megavolt, Bushroot and the Liquidator were running straight for him, shrieking.


Acting instinctively, Darkwing flung out his Gas Gun. “SUCK GAS, VILLIANS!”

SKIP: Suck what? Gasoline??

CELESTE: In the old show, he had a gun that shot some kind of poison gas and he yelled something in relation to the kind of gas he used.

A cloud of laughing powder flumed out. The Fearsome Four began laughing madly.

“We-HAHAHA-weren’t trying to-HAHA-attack you, Dorkwing-HAHAHA!!” Megavolt tried to say.

SKIP: Now I’m scared.

“Oh. Sorry, but in the past you’ve wanted to kill me so many times…” Darkwing said.

“I wasn’t always-HAHAHA-wanting to kill you.” Bushroot whined. 

“What are you doing here, by the way?” Darkwing asked the four.

“Some creep-HAHA-invited us-HAHAHA-to the factory!” Quackerjack exclaimed.

JACK: Oh, as opposed to a giant jester duck NOT being creepy?

“He was-HAHAHA-really creepy!! HAHAHA” The Liquidator said, too afraid to use ad jargon.

“Well, I’m going in there, and finding out all about this!” Darkwing said as he walked towards the factory.

“Don’t do it! You’ll get MURDERED! Boy does that sound weird coming from me.” Megavolt called out at him.

CELESTE: Boy, does that sound lame coming from you.

The Muddlefoots came outside, thus adding to the insanity.

SKIP: This story was always insane.

“Who’s throwing a party and why wasn’t I invited?” Herb joked.

Honker wasn’t as energetic. “Why is -yawn- everybody screaming?”

JACK: He says ‘yawn’ in the middle of his sentences? That’s like saying, “I’d like a double cheese yawn burger.”

Binkie tried to comfort her son. “Oh, I’m sure it’s just a-EEK! IT’S HIM! THE MAN I SAW ON ST.CANARD’S MOST WANTED!”

JACK: [Binkie] It’s TANK!!

 Binkie had seen Quackerjack, and picked up a football that someone left out, and threw it at his head.

CELESTE: Did Quackerjack or Binkie throw the football? I can’t tell with all the commas.

“Ow, lady! Please!! I’m not gonna kill anyone!!” Quackerjack whimpered.

“Oh. Sorry, sir.”

Darkwing could take no more. “EVERYONE SHUT UP! Now, something is up in THAT factory. I am going to see what is going on. You may follow me if you want.”

SKIP: Huh? DW never said anything like that. He even complained about wanting to work alone in the first episode!

“Pop, can we go in, too?” Tank asked his father.

“Of course, kids. Just don’t go in the machinery- It won’t be pleasant.” Herb replied.

JACK: I’m out of idiot jokes.

SKIP: Me too.

Darkwing looked behind him, there was a long trail of people behind him. Oh joy. Now he had a conga line.

CELESTE: And they all danced merrily into the night. The end.

All ten people walked into the factory. What was disturbing was that there was no machinery. No processors, no oil, no workers. There was nothing on the first floor.

JACK: Except for a piece of dog-


JACK: Biscuit.

“THIS is what I complained to city hall about??” Binkie gasped.

SKIP: She’s managed to tell city hall already and it hasn’t been 12 hours??

“Guess it is. Hey! Who was that?” Herb exclaimed, looking down a hallway.

“You saw someone?” Darkwing asked. A person ran up a flight of stairs. “Follow that creep!”

Everybody chased the person up the flight of stairs. When they all arrived at the top, they realized the person was heading towards the top floor.

“Aw, crap! Let’s all just take that conveniently placed elevator over there.” Megavolt said. Everyone loaded into the elevator.

.JACK: You see that, Skip? Whole paragraph? Yeah. Never put that in a story, ‘cause it would make no sense.

“Why are we doing this again?” Tank asked Honker.

JACK: [To Celeste] Yes, why ARE we.

CELESTE: Shut up.

“Because it gives us a chance to evade our bedtime?” Honker said.

“Makes sense.” Tank said back.

The elevator finally reached the top floor and they all ran out.

SKIP: No, if they all ran out, they would get stuck together and jammed in the elevator doors.

Gosalyn was getting worried. Her Dad was gone for a long time- maybe she should get help.

CELESTE: HUH?? They left the little girl alone, with Negaduck out there somewhere? And Honker and the little weirdo got to go in?? What IS this??

 Police? Nah, they’d just arrest him. Launchpad? No, he was in Duckburg at that Pilot’s Convention. She had to find someone who’d help at this moment.

 It was 11:56 when there was a knock on the door of Macawber Manor. Morgana opened the door.

“Gosalyn? What are you doing outside at this time? It’s almost midnight!” She asked.

SKIP: What IS she doing outside that late? Where I live, they make sure all the kids are in before 11:30!

JACK: I’m sure this doesn’t apply to the twisted world of fan fiction and ducks.

“I-It’s dad. I t-think he’s in trouble! He went to investigate this factory near our house and he’s been gone for a long time! He’s either captured or lost!” Gosalyn gasped, still out of breath from biking 7 blocks.

JACK: The writer was quite descriptive with her city block measurement back then.

“I c-came to y-y-you. You’re the only person I thought would help. I tried getting the neighbours, but they’re gone too.”

“That sounds terrible! We’d better get over there!” Morgana replied.

SKIP: I don’t remember her being so gung-ho about going out like this. After being woken up like this, she’s most likely fry Gosalyn.

JACK: Oh yeah, DW‘ll REALLY find it attractive that his girlfriend ate his daughter.

Morgana and Gosalyn arrived out of breath in front of the factory.

“Gasp-ack-we’re here-puff-pant” Gosalyn panted.

 “Let’s both-gasp-pant-wait a second-huff” Morgana gagged.

CELESTE: I’m going to check the hack wheeze oof map.

They waited about 30 seconds.

“Okay,” Gosalyn said. “Let’s go in.”

SKIP: Lame-ey lame-ey lame-ey.

The first floor was empty, dark and silent. There were absolutely no machines inside.

“This doesn’t look like a factory.” Gosalyn said, confused.

“Then it’s not a factory. It’s an empty building.” Morgana said as she looked around the room.

JACK: We figured that OUT three pages ago.

“Dad’s probably on th top floor! We should take the elevator!” Gosalyn exclaimed as she ran to the first floor elevator, with Morgana following.

Everybody else was still looking around on the top floor.

“Negaduck!! I just remembered!” Bushroot exclaimed. “When we ran screaming out the door, he was still inside! Oh no, who knows what’s happened to him!!”

CELESTE: I thought Bushroot didn’t like Negaduck.

JACK: I thought our creator didn’t write like this.

“Hmph. and good riddance.” The Liquidator grumbled to himself.

“Someone’s in this room!! On the count of three, we all go in.” Darkwing told everyone. JACK: [DW] More of us to be shot!

“One, two, three!!”


The group jumped into the room. To their surprise, they saw Negaduck-tied up and sitting in a corner.

SKIP: There’s probably a good reason for this. I remember he would have sooner shot himself than get kidnapped.

“Please…make him go away! He was tall, had a -it’s terrible!!” He sobbed

JACK: What the HELL??

 Now THIS meant something. If a person were able to reduce Negaduck to a blubbering pile of feathers, then it would destroy anyone else.

CELESTE: Or this story.

Morgana and Gosalyn had just gotten out of the elevator and were lost in the dark hallways.

SKIP: Can’t Morgana just use some kind of light power and make her hands glow or something?

JACK: She could, but this is a fan fiction.

“Oh, great. Dad’s probably not even here and he must have either escaped or got shot into space.” Gosalyn groaned. Where would they find Darkwing, let alone everyone else?

JACK: In a CHINESE RESTAURANT!! AHAHAHA- Celeste, don’t glare at me like that.

“Oh, I’m sure he’s around here somewhere.” Morgana consoled as they turned the corner.

Honker spoke up for the first time in 18 minutes. “I hear someone coming!! They’re coming down the hall!”

SKIP: And then Tank made him shut up for another 18 minutes.

The group ran down the hall, and Negaduck craned his neck to try and see who was coming.

“Wait! Somebody’s talking over here!” Morgana ran down a hallway.

“It’s Dad!! He’s alright!” Gosalyn said, quite relieved Dad might still be alive. They rushed down the hallway.

CELESTE: NOOO! Not another bloody box line!

JACK: Damn.

All thirteen people almost ran into each other. They instead gawped at each other for a second, and then screamed. Bushroot fainted.

JACK: Is it just me, or is this story starting to really, really suck?

“Man, was that freaky. DAD!! YOU’RE OKAY!” Gosalyn hugged her father.

“Yes, I’m alright. Wait a minute, I told you to STAY in the house unless it was an emergency!” Darkwing said.

SKIP: [Gosalyn] It IS an emergency! We’re in a fan fiction!

“It was an emergency. I thought you were dead. So I got help.” Gosalyn then pointed to Morgana.

Darkwing pulled at his collar. “Uh-Gee, Morgana, I-erg- didn’t expect to see you here.”

Morgana fluttered her eyelashes “It’s good to see you, Dark. I-”

CELESTE: Oh crap. Thankfully this is all that there is to a romance scene, or I’d have gotten ill.

SKIP: I’m kinda tired of romance stuff with the Sally and Robby thing, the Sarah and Hugh and Xavier triangle, and y’know…Desi…

JACK: Ditto. Good think we have low coverage of the Batty & Bearis thing.

“I hate to interrupt this LOVE STORY, but Bushroot’s out cold and I hear someone again!” Quackerjack yelled.

JACK: Love story, bah. I’d never date a broad with hair bigger than her own head.

“And now, me and my lovely assistant will demonstrate how I’m going to wake up Bushroot.” The Liquidator said. He splashed his hand at Bushroot’s face.

“Huh? Grandma, what’d I miss?” Bushroot said, still dizzy from fainting.

SKIP: So that was who they heard! The grandmother!

Everybody, for the umptillionth time, turned around. There was an orange cat in a metal suit.

SKIP: Hey! They stole my bit!!

Everybody, yet again, for the 2789th time, screamed. {Boy, their throats must be tired!!}

Darkwing stopped screaming. “Wait! I KNOW this guy! He’s-”

JACK: For the love of God, NO MORE SCREAMING!

“FLUFFY!! HAHAHA! ‘Bout time you dorks shut up. You’ve been screaming, and screaming; what’s the deal??” Fluffy complained.

JACK: Yes. What IS the deal.

“Is this crap-hole your hideout?” Tank asked.

Binkie was less then pleased. “TANK!! Don’t use that word!”

CELESTE: Ah, Quacker’s said worse when he was out of gin.

“C’mon, cat! Tell us what’s up with this crap-hole?” Herb asked.

Fluffy seemed docile for a minute. “Ah. This old wreck is made out of an old steamboat and the 5th avenue Wal-Mart.

SKIP: But how did he get a steamboat? And a Wal-Mart WITHOUT people noticing? And the construction crew! What’s GOING ON??

 And the smoke you see is not truly smoke; at night I used fog machines. During the day I put out several pots of water with a grey pigment on the roof. What you see rising is the water evaporating.”

The Liquidator shrieked.

JACK: So…yeah. This story is only scary to a giant dog made of water. Figures.

“So this deep-fryer oil processing factory is a fake…” Binkie said, happy there was no pollution and oil.

CELESTE: [Singing] Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows…

Negaduck wasn’t too cheerful, since he had been tied up. “And I brought matches for nothing.”

SKIP: That still doesn’t explain why he was acting like a weirdo.

Fluffy gabbed on. “And your little friend here? I made him cry simply by doing this.”

Fluffy’s suit extended the arms and legs, making him five feet taller.

SKIP: Robby says he saw Dr. Tenma do something like that with one of one of his robot dogs.

Then he pulled out the most repulsive and creepiest Halloween mask and held it in front of his face and turned to Negaduck.

“AAGH! MAKE IT GO AWAY!!!!” he screamed.

SKIP: Nnnnnope. Still not making sense.

“THIS is a side of him I haven’t seen.” Megavolt exclaimed.

JACK: And if you tell anyone else you saw it, he will damn well KILL you.

Fluffy threw the mask out the nearest window.

JACK: Where it gave an old lady a heart attack.

He then turned to the Fearsome Four. “Recognize anyone?”

“AGH!! IT’S HIM! THE GUY WE SAW! WHA- boy does this feel stupid. He’s just a housecat!” Quackerjack yelled.

Fluffy restored the suit to its original size. “You all know too much. You’d probably turn me in to the Animal Shelter! And you know what I’m going to do? I’m gonna…”

JACK: [Fluffy] puke.”

Fluffy had strapped all thirteen people to electric chairs and standing at the controls.

“I’m gonna electrocute you all! HAHAHAHA!!! Let’s see you call the Animal Rescue NOW!” Fluffy cackled.

CELESTE: Wasn’t there something identical to this in one of the Adams Family movies?

JACK: Yes. Yes there was.

“Megavolt, Quackerjack, sorry I’ve tried to kill you two so many times.” Negaduck said solemnly.

“Y’know, I just might survive this electric chair! -Oh, sorry.” Megavolt said.

Gosalyn, without anyone noticing, snuck out of her chair.

SKIP: She managed to avoid the sentient Robo-Cat?

 She saw all the extension cord. It connected to all the chairs. She then noticed an outlet in the side of the control panel. She decided to give Fluffy a surprise when he started the chairs.

JACK: If I know the movie, this was a rip-off, too.

Darkwing moped. “Launchpad’s going to be surprised when he gets home and sees we’re gone.”

Fluffy began singing. “Now it’s time to say goodbye to all our family! M-I-C-”

SKIP: What’s Mickey Mouse got to do with this?

 he pulled the switch, which then sent several thousand volts into the control panel and himself. When it stopped, his suit had disintegrated.

JACK: In the movie, the woman just exploded.

“You jerkth! That thuit wath the ONLY way I could be like a human! It altho blockth out my lithp!” Fluffy yowled in his normal voice.

SKIP: He always talks like that? Why??

CELESTE: The world may never know.

Darkwing picked up the cat. “Save it for the SPCA. Gosalyn, get the Animal Rescue on the phone.”

CELESTE: If there’s no machinery, where in blazes do you find a phone?

“Thith ith no the finisth! I WILL RETURN, YOU CRAZY DUCKTH!” Fluffy screeched.

Honker asked his parents, “Can we all go home now?”

“Yes, kids. We can go home.” Herb said.

JACK: Thank GOD!

The Muddlefoots headed to the elevator.

Bushroot asked, “Are you going to arrest us?”

Gosalyn jumped into the conversation. “Nope. You guys didn’t do anything bad yet, so you probably won’t get to go to jail.”

CELESTE: Actually, Darkwing would have arrested them already.

JACK: But this is a FAN FICTION. None of this holds any logic.

There suddenly came a loud ZAP and a POW and a FWOOSH. Darkwing Gosalyn Morgana The Liquidator and Bushroot turned in time to see

SKIP: That The Liquidator stole the commas.

 Megavolt electrocute Quackerjack, Quackerjack throw an exploding panda at Megavolt, and Negaduck fire a flamethrower at the two. The table was on fire and part of the roof was missing.

They all stopped.

JACK: Which is what I want this story to do.

“What?” Quackerjack asked.

“Oh, great. Now we get to go to jail. Thanks a ton, guys.” Bushroot whined.

“ENOUGH!! Now, all five of you GO HOME.” Darkwing bellowed at the Fearsome Five.

“Oh, alright, fine, beak-face.” Megavolt grumbled.

JACK: Which then sent Bushroot, Quackerjack and Negaduck onto thrashing his butt.

About four days later, Launchpad arrived back from the pilot’s convention.

“Hey, what did I miss?” He said cheerfully.

JACK: [Drake] You missed all the bull crap. Be thankful.

“A lot!” responded Gosalyn. “This place got built by the house, then everyone went in, and…”



[The three stare at the screen]

JACK: What in blazes was THAT??

CELESTE: It was what would have been our stories, had our creator not improved with writing skills. Why, had she not read books for older people, we very well could have been stuck in that mindless, twisted zone.


JACK: Well, the story did a fine job of doing that to all of us, didn’t it.


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